Stop Posting Your RP Backstory [gas]

Tooterfish

Vice Admiral
Donor
Nov 29, 2014
190
237
460
RSI Handle
Tooterfish
Tooterfish.

Abortion gone wrong. Raised himself as an illiterate bum with a vengeful distaste against humanity and an unprecedented taste for cocain, enabled by his dealer, Shive. After boarding NKato's ship multiple times to feed his drug habbit, his own sympathy for the young NKato developed in haste. After being mentored by NKato in proper social skills per his dozens of illegal visits, becoming indoctrinated into society, he stumbled across an old tome floating around space near where he was aborted. Inside, a family photo album of none-other than his parents, of which documented the abortion.

Doctors said the baby would forever be addicted to cocain, as the mother, SvenRichter, had battled prostitution and drugs during pregnancy. Newly enraged by the sight of other children who were embraced, one photo in particular renewed his disagreement to the unfairness of man, however to fuel his retribution. A man named GrammarNazi, apparently Tooterfish's father, sitting on a couch with his two what would otherwise be his siblings, playing Call of Duty - Advanced Skyrim, all happy and content with their lives that had been pieced together without him. Resentment and hatred swung at Tooterfish's conscience, one way to the other on a pendulum of good and evil; piracy, and civility were to be forever a struggle, and only time would tell where his heart would rest.
 
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the_angry_angel

Space Marshal
Jan 22, 2014
53
26
1,870
RSI Handle
the_angry_angel
28 year old chicken soup vending machine repair man. He just wanted a quiet life filled with dirty chicken soup nossles and lager.

After developing a severe allergy to lager and being hospitalised, the UEE armed forces do what they do best and fuck him over - physically they transform him into their greatest asset and thrust into battle with the elite SQ42. Unfortunately he doesn't really care for any of this, and drowns his sorrows in chicken soup everynight.
 
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DirtyScoundrel

Guest
At the beginning of TEST, the only thing known concerning the DirtyScoundrel is that he never leaves captives sober.

It is revealed during the course of the story that Scoundrel is not one man, but a series of individuals who periodically pass the name and reputation to a chosen successor. Everyone except the successor is then released at a convenient port, a new crew hired, and the former Roberts stays aboard as first mate. The constant reference to "Dirty Scoundrel" establishes the new Scoundrel's persona. After the crew is convinced, the former Scoundrel leaves the ship and retires on his earnings.

I, the hero of TEST, was on a voyage to seek my fortune when my ship was captured by the Scoundrel. While the other passengers are weeping and offering bribery for their lives, I simply asked Dirty Scoundrel to please not to kill me. The "please" catching his interest, the Scoundrel asked, "Why should I make an exception of you?" I then explained my mission to get enough money to reunite myself with my brewery. My description of the brewery's beauty intrigued Dirty to the point that he hired me as a personal attendant. While Dirty Scoundrel is continually impressed with my work, he continued to keep my future in doubt by saying each night "Good night, Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." After about three years, Dirty and I had grown close, and Scoundrel promoted me to his second-in-command. Shortly after that, Dirty revealed to me that the guise of the "Dread Pirate Roberts" is merely a nom de guerre that he has inherited.

The method works because Dirty Scoundrel's notorious reputation inspires overwhelming fear in citizens. Ships immediately capitulate and surrender their wealth rather than be captured, a fate they imagine to be certain death. A pirate operating under his own name is said to be incapable of such infamy; no one would surrender to my original name.
 
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svenrichter

Guest
Tootsieboo, I have to tell you something. I... I am not your real mother. You are adopted. You were a Christmas present from one of my husbands at the time. But after 2 days I didn't want you anymore so I tried to give you back, but they said: "Do we look like idiots? We are glad we got rid of him and now you think we'll take him back? Piss off." So I kinda had to throw you out the air lock. Hope you don't mind. No hard feelings, right?
 
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WarrenPeace

Space Marshal
Jul 17, 2014
4,209
8,451
2,920
RSI Handle
Shortspark
WarrenPeace was a mild-mannered reactor mechanic, happily engaged until in his work and perfectly content. One day, he accepted a perfectly harmless-seeming work request to diagnose and repair the main reactor on a heavily-modified Banu Merchantman. Once on board, he found himself surrounded by rowdy inebriates playing drinking games, dancing and cavorting, and generally indulging in hedonistic chaos. Slipping in puddles of what seemed to be an aloe-based cream leaking from a cask labeled "Montoya's Private Reserve - Hands ON, Please!", WarrenPeace made his way to engineering.

What he found was an hideous abomination that seemed to be based around the reactor core, but had sprouted additional attachments like tumorous growths. During his attempts to repair, he was drenched in radioactive vacuum-distilled hyper-rum that quickly began to fill the cramped room. Head spinning and lungs blazing from attempts to breathe air infused with fumes of high-proof space-booze, something snapped inside WarrenPeace's head. Giggling madly, he smashed out a porthole, causing the booze that had clogged the reactor to be sucked out into space. Throwing a keg at the porthole to plug it, he rebooted the reactor, then scooped a mug of the leftover hyper-rum to chug as he kicked his feet up on the control panel.

Since that day, WarrenPeace has claimed the role of janitor on many of the larger ships in the TEST fleet, mostly as an excuse to sneak around the ship and find where people are stashing their alcohol. Though he still seems quiet to most, he has never been quite the same since that fateful day. Some say that he harbors a thirst that dwarfs that of ten strong men. Others fear that should this thirst cease to be quenched, it would be the end of life as we know it, as a mad engineer thrust unwillingly into sobriety worked his anguish-wracked will on the cosmos around him. Most think it's just rumors that WarrenPeace has spread himself to ensure people are always willing to pass him a drink. We may never know...
 

Griflet

Space Marshal
Aug 19, 2014
57
98
2,210
RSI Handle
Griflet
Rens.

Floating among the scattered debris of his father's avenger, in the loan surviving space suit, 3 year old Rens knew exactly what he'd do. by using the nano reactors from one of the powerfountains left from the avenger, his father's left femur, and the last prisoner chamber still with working atmospheric qualities he created a makeshift aurora and got the fuck out.

21 years later....

We pan around the bar to see Rens actively engaging in what seems to be flirtatious conversation with an amputee woman. unbeknownst to him he was attracting the attention of the woman's boyfriend, a paraplegic who seemed to be operating some sort of space hoverround and had gold grillz made for what looked like chomping into thick flesh or metals. Upon noticing this armored battletank of a man approaching full steam ahead Rens began decoding the Banu(ese) etched into the man's grillz. Rens finished deciphering read out loud "No legs, No problem" just as he was grabbed by the (doc-oc-esque) arms attached to the hoverround.

blackness.

Rens awoke hanging upside down, looking at what seemed to be a dark, damp room. on the walls hung whips, chains, torture tools, and an assortment of Darude vinyls. Rens hears the door directly behind him squeak open then closed again. The muffled VRUMM of a hoverround making Rens' pounding headache resonate.
Rens hears an intercomm click then "Bass, duh gey's 'ere tah pick 'im up."(Because all henchmen come from Boston) the sound of metallic arms ripping the cord that tethered him to the ceiling made him cringe.

blackness.

Rens awoke in a small box of a prisoner chamber he knew all too well.

His brother had come to get him.

Rens immediately began bashing on the inner wall of the hold until his brothers grimy face showed itself at the window. "i see you're awake dear brother..."

Rens, repulsed at the sheer condemnation in his brother's tone began trying to utter coherent sentences but his tourettes were too powerful. A sling of F's and a dash of c*nts infuriated his brother. a muffled roar is heard as he sees his brother get ripped into the vacuum of space.

blackness.

Rens wakes up, beer in hand, space jameson in the other, "I've gotta quit drinking. These good dreams are too much."
 
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CaptainHavoc

Guest
After 7 years and a dishonorable discharge of a UEC officer involved in the ramming of Capital class ships on three separate occasions, poisoning a Xian ambassador with intolerable amounts alcoholic beverages, and getting into a bar fight with a nude space Australian over a Beatles song sung by a drunken Russian senior, as well as incidents escalating the Human-Xian cold war involving drawing phallic pictures on four Xian ships the [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and the [REDACTED].

Captain Havoc will go where no human has gone before, to explore worlds unsoiled, to get various alien races "drunk", to gather dangerous artifacts of colossal power and pawn it for alcoholic beverages.

To make his name known throughout the persistent universe as,"That Guy".
 

GrammarGestapo

Pro Chat Necromancer
Jun 8, 2014
814
761
2,370
RSI Handle
TheGrammarpolice
After two years of being tied up with @Jernik in @Shive the cocaine dealer's basement, young @GrammarGestapo is finally allowed to roll around in the grass outside for 10 or 15 minutes. As Grammar absorbs the life-giving vitamin D present in the sun's glorious rays, he realized what he truly wanted in life. This is the day when Grammar finally obtained his Banu merchantman, and the day he finally knew how he could become truly happy. It was on this day that Grammar learned he was born to be a space trucker, and that he could only find true happiness by running blockades to sell the various stolen goods obtained by Annie ( @AntiSqueaker ) and his merry band of pony pirates.

Also, wotwotwotwowtowtowtowtowotwotwotwotwot tanks wotwotwotwotwotwot
 

WarrenPeace

Space Marshal
Jul 17, 2014
4,209
8,451
2,920
RSI Handle
Shortspark
@GrammarGestapo Your avatar and "wotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwot" makes me think of an extremely agitated British pokemon.
 

GrammarGestapo

Pro Chat Necromancer
Jun 8, 2014
814
761
2,370
RSI Handle
TheGrammarpolice
@GrammarGestapo Your avatar and "wotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwot" makes me think of an extremely agitated British pokemon.
that's the intent! I'm a die-hard centurion lover in World of Tanks (WoT) and put more than 100 hours into pokemon Y in less than two weeks.
 

shadowjim12

Admiral
Oct 8, 2015
86
149
700
RSI Handle
MarNei


** He seems drunk enough in this photo that other crew members need a steady hold. It was propably after arriving to late on a Distress Signal Source.**
 
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Sethious

Space Marshal
Staff member
Jan 1, 2014
601
1,257
2,510
RSI Handle
SethiousFel
At the beginning of TEST, the only thing known concerning the DirtyScoundrel is that he never leaves captives sober.

It is revealed during the course of the story that Scoundrel is not one man, but a series of individuals who periodically pass the name and reputation to a chosen successor. Everyone except the successor is then released at a convenient port, a new crew hired, and the former Roberts stays aboard as first mate. The constant reference to "Dirty Scoundrel" establishes the new Scoundrel's persona. After the crew is convinced, the former Scoundrel leaves the ship and retires on his earnings.

I, the hero of TEST, was on a voyage to seek my fortune when my ship was captured by the Scoundrel. While the other passengers are weeping and offering bribery for their lives, I simply asked Dirty Scoundrel to please not to kill me. The "please" catching his interest, the Scoundrel asked, "Why should I make an exception of you?" I then explained my mission to get enough money to reunite myself with my brewery. My description of the brewery's beauty intrigued Dirty to the point that he hired me as a personal attendant. While Dirty Scoundrel is continually impressed with my work, he continued to keep my future in doubt by saying each night "Good night, Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." After about three years, Dirty and I had grown close, and Scoundrel promoted me to his second-in-command. Shortly after that, Dirty revealed to me that the guise of the "Dread Pirate Roberts" is merely a nom de guerre that he has inherited.

The method works because Dirty Scoundrel's notorious reputation inspires overwhelming fear in citizens. Ships immediately capitulate and surrender their wealth rather than be captured, a fate they imagine to be certain death. A pirate operating under his own name is said to be incapable of such infamy; no one would surrender to my original name.
I like how you forgot to remove "Dread Pirate Roberts" and change it to Dirty Scoundrel. Unless you are planning on being the Dread Pirate Roberts.
 

SPRNinja

Space Marshal
Donor
Oct 20, 2014
690
1,550
2,510
RSI Handle
SPRNinja
A military vet, and explosives expert in the marines, SPRNinja saw some of the worst the vanduul front had to offer. After his 3rd tour he decided to take his citizenship and muster out, he had managed to save enough to buy a freelancer. He left the base, loaded his possesions onto his lancer, and dissapeared.

Now he flys around the verse, drinking himself into oblivion and making just enough to pay for fuel, booze, food and the repairs on the lancer from the booze (lots of spilled whiskey on control panels and *rough* landings.) Haunted by the things he has seen and done on the front, prone to irrational fits of unpredictable rage, he flys cargo and spraypaints the odd dickbutt around the place.

Good times


 
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Carlos Spicyweiner

Space Marshal
Donor
Oct 14, 2015
1,376
5,119
2,900
RSI Handle
DMGunslinger
Carlos Spicyweiner was an innocent, young 49 year-old powerboat salesman in Pahrump, Nevada. Sales were pretty slow(Pahrump is in the middle of the desert, close to a nuclear test site)and young Carlos was thinking about getting a job a little closer to a body of water. All of his plans came to naught when he was shanghaied by a ruthless Star Marine recruiter who had not met his quota for the month. The hapless Carlos was worse than useless as an infantryman, and was soon transferred to aviation, the consensus being that working around complicated machines traveling at the speed of light would not require the brain power needed to operate an assault weapon in a combat environment. They were right! Carlos found a home in aviation, and soon found himself in charge of a small, elite crew of aurora cleaners! His reputation as an innovator quickly spread throughout the fleet(he was the man that first used the little pine tree air fresheners in the Aurora, yes, he is THAT Carlos Spicyweiner). He rose through the ranks to full Admiral and things were going well, until one night when Carlos may have had one too many space beers and found himself at the controls of a stolen Aurora. Carlos found the switch for the auto pilot and managed to land the craft safely, but he was demoted to captain and deemed an expert in flying the Aurora(on autopilot)and made an instructor! He quickly qualified on every spacecraft type in the fleet(on autopilot)and adopted the call sign Captain Dark Matter Gunslinger, which he still uses today. The name Dark Matter Gunslinger is whispered in hushed tones across the town of Pahrump...in all 3 bars.
 
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Varku

Space Marshal
Apr 21, 2016
1,213
5,244
2,850
RSI Handle
Varku
For summary in english scroll down, you know it's hard to be creative when you're not writing in your native language, at least this is how i feel.

Die Motivation:
Geprägt von Neugier auf der Suche nach neuen Wundern.
Geplagt von Fragen und dem Wunsch die Wunder zu verstehen.
So verliert Wunder um Wunder seinen Zauber, wird zum normalen Alltagsding.
So wird die Suche nach neuen Wundern zur Hatz, immer weiter immer schneller.
Dabei wünscht er sich nur zu stolpern um Zeit zu haben die Wunder, die Ihn umgeben, zu bewundern.
Seine Reise hat einen Anfang, Sie begann mit dem ersten Atemzug, dem ersten Wunder, doch wird sie ein Ende haben?
Und wenn ja, wie wird es aussehen?

Die Werdegang:
Varku kommt von einer kleinen Bergbau-Station eines abgelegen Systems.
2 mal im Jahr kam dort immer ein alter Frachter an und tauschte Lebensmittel und Ausrüstung gegen Erz.
Es war ein Wunder, dass der Frachter nicht bei Start und Landung auseinander brach, so runter gekommen wie er war.
Klar, eine Bergbaustation ist nicht der perfekte Ort um ein Kind wie Varku aufzuziehen, aber es ist ein Aufregender Ort, obwohl nein, das Stimmt nicht im Gegenteil es ist eine dreiste Lüge, nach 1 Woche habt ihr alles gesehen was es gibt, nach 2 Wochen hört ihr schon garnicht mehr, das Reaktor 2 eine Unwucht hat, die gerade unterhalb der Norm liegt und deshalb nicht repariert wird.
Nach Woche 3 könntet Ihr mit geschlossenen augen durch die gesamte Sation rennen ohne über ein einziges Kabel zu stolpern...
Aber irgendwie bekam Varku den Bauplan für ein Sensor-Relai in die Finger.
Die nächsten 8 Monate verbrachte er mit nichts anderem als die nötigen Teile zu organisieren und zusammen zu setzen.
Mitmal steht ihm zumindest theoretisch das halbe System offen. Er könnte von der Kantine aus sehen, was sonst noch so da draußen auf Ihn wartet. Könnte, wenn es da nicht zwei Probleme gäbe: Der Stations-Aufseher muss den gebrauch eines Relais mit über einem MegaWatt Sendeleistung genehmigen (Das hätte der Blödmann auch mal vor 6 Monaten sagen können, als er Varku sein altes Radio geopfert hat). Und er weis noch nicht so recht, wie man die Signale deutet.
Das erste Problem bedeutet viele Bürokratie, und das zweite bedeuted sich bei stinke Sam einzuschleimen, das ist der Typ, der die Asterioiden auf Ihren Inhalt scannt.
Nach 2 weiteren Jahren habt er dann endlich den letzten Antrag unterschrieben zurück und Sam, der jetzt bei weitem nicht mehr so stinkt kommt jetzt zu Varku, wenn er Fragen zu Scanns hat.
Es kann also los gehen, der erste long range Scan.
Wow, einfach nur Wow, da ist so viel. Nur 3 Planeten weiter gibt es seltene Erden in hoher Konzentration, mitmal ist das Signal des nächsten ComArrays stabil genug für Video übertragungen... Innerhalb von Stunden hat sich die Neuigkeit in der gesamten Station herum gesprochen.
Selbst der Aufseher lässt sich blicken als er von den seltenen Erden hört.

Der Beginn der Reise:
Drei Jahre später hat die Station den Asterioiden-Gürtel verlassen und baut jetzt die seltenen Erden aus Varkus ersten Scan ab.
Mittlerweile hat jeder Haushalt der Station eine permanente stabile Verbindung zum ComArray, Reaktor 2 wurde endlich repariert und Varku, Varku begibt sich gerade an Bord dieses alten abgewrackten Frachters, der noch immer Lebensmittel und Ausrüstung gegen Erze tauscht.
Sein gepäck ist schon an Bord, nur das wichtigste, das trägt er noch bei sich. Seinen Türöffner für ein leben abseits dieser Bergbaustation, einen Holografischen Speicher mit wertvollen Daten aus den Scans der letzten Jahre.
Der Frachter wird ihn zum nächsten Raumhaven bringen, wo er diese Daten an die Mining Corporation Verkaufen wird, und dann auf einem Schiff anheuern wird, um andere Fremde Systeme zu entdecken und Ihnen Ihre Geheimnisse zu entlocken.
Von hier an verliert sich seine Spur, dann und wann taucht sein Name noch in den Logfiles des ComArrays auf, wenn er Bilder seiner Reise nach Hause schickt aber es ist schwer zu sagen, wo er sich gerade aufhält und wie alt die Bilder schon sind.

Danke fürs Lesen, man sieht sich im Verse
---------------------------------------------
English Summary:

Motivation:
He was always looking for new wonders, was always asking how did this Work, why is this the way it is.
But while doing so, wonder for wonder lost the magic within. And a wonder become a normal thing, just like all the other boring things.
So the search for new wonders goes on and on, higher faster...
But at the end his only wish was to sumble, take his time to stop so he can see all the small wonders around him.
His journey has a start, it beginns with his first breath, his first wonder. But will his Journey have an end? And if yes, how will it look like?

Childhood:
Varku was born in small Mining-station in a System far off.
The only Visitor was an old rusty hauler which arives 2 times a year trading food and equipment for ore.
It was already a miracle, that the Hauler didn't crash during start or landing, but it made it each and everytime.
Shure a Miningstation isn't the best place to grew up a kid, especialy not one like Varku, but it is an interesting place, isn't it? No that's not right, in fact it's a barfaced lie. Have you ever vistid a Mining Station? After one Week you have seen everything that can be seen. After 2 Weeks you stop hearing that reactor #2 isn't running that well, but it won't get repaired as it's right below the Norm. After Week 3 you could run through the whole Station with closed eyes without stumbling once.
But anyways, somehow Varku gets his fingers on the blueprint of a Sensor relai. He spent the next 8 Month to get all the required pieces and build that sensor
Sudeenly he could reach half the system, at least theoretical.
There are 2 Problems left:
The Supervisor of the Station needs to allow the use of a Relay above 1 MegaWatt power. (this ***hole could have mentioned that 6 Month before, when Varku asked him for his old radio to salvage it) And Varku still don't know how to interpret all the signals.
the first problem can be solved through huge amounts of Paperwork(or waht ever it's called in spacetime) and the second one means he need to spent alot of time with "stinker Sam", the guy who scans the Asteriods for their value.
2 Years later the Paperwork was done and Sam who dosen't smell as bad as before, know comes back to Varku if he has any questions on Scans.
He was ready to go, his first long range Scan.
Wow, simply Wow, there was so much to see. Only 3 Planets away are huge amounts of rare Materials, for the first time there was a stable connection to the ComArray, stable enough for Video transmitting. Within hours this news goes around in the whole station, even the supervisor showed up, to check out the news about the Materials...

The beginn of the journey:
3 Years later the Station moved over to mine the rare Materials from Varkus first Scan.
Each household on the station now owns his own stable connection to the ComArray, Reaktor #2 finaly got repaired and Varku? Well Varku is about to board this old rusty Hauler, still exchanging Food and equipment for ore.
His stuff is already stored, only his most important thing is left, his dooropener to enter a live away from this Miningstation. A holographic storage device, loaded with the valuable Data from the Scans of the past years. The Hauler will bring him to the next Space station, where he will sell his informations to the Mining Corporation and board an other ship, to discover new Systems and steal their secrets.

From this point we lost track of him. sometimes his Name show up in the logfiles of the ComArray, when he send pictures of his Journey to his home, but it's hard to tell where he is right now, and how old this pictures are.


Thanks for reading my Story, I know it wasn't an easy task reading this in broken english. Sorry for that.
 
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CrudeSasquatch

Space Marshal
Jan 1, 2016
3,876
15,933
2,850
RSI Handle
CrudeSasquatch
Was wandering in woods looking for a place to wash up. Couldn't find one. Found a spaceship. Stole it. Found out that ship was transporting a keg of beer. Drank it. Set course... course was THE SUN. Ran into Montoya. Said "Hey, I haven't washed in months, and I'm drunk." Montoya said "Have you heard of Test Squadron?"
Rest is history
 

Floating Cloud

Space Marshal
Apr 8, 2016
565
1,720
2,510
RSI Handle
Floating_Cloud
In the world before memory, primal chaos reigned. Heaven sought order, but the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless eons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Heaven, the moisture of the Earth, the powers of the Sun and of the Moon all worked upon a certain rock, old as creation, and it became magically fertile. That first egg was named 'Thought'.

Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha said "With our thoughts, we make the world". Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it then came Floating Cloud. The nature of Floating was irrepressible!

Backstory shamelessly stolen from Monkey, the greatest television series ever created.

 
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