First off I would like to let everybody know that this is my very first time role playing, and also my first attempt at actually writing out a story. Let me know what you think of it, any and all constructive criticism, tips, tricks are more then welcome. English isn't my native language though, so excuse any erroneous writing.
I am planning to write more of an origins story here than actually embodying my character.
An unplanned stop.
I awake with a banging headache, unsure of how I got it. I could of been the copious amount of alcohol I downed yesterday, or any of wide range of narcotics I ingested. Personally, my money is on the XTC, that dealer I got it of off was a bit shady looking.
It was 6AM, I've always been a terrible sleeper, especially after a night of heavy drinking. I can handle my drugs like a champ, but alcohol is what puts me down for the count, and afterwards wakes me up with stomach too twisted to lay my head to rest again.
Suddenly I realize that I'm actually in a toilet stall somewhere. I'm assuming a bar of some sorts, though I am in no condition yet to go out yet and explore where I actually am. After throwing up a couple times, I can't help but think back to how I ended up in this situation...
20 years earlier.
I can still recall with vivid detail how Valdör, the man who raised me, said he'd found me.
"I arrived on a backwater planet, way outside of the UEE's mapped systems, on a task to find an item of great value to my employer. Honestly though, at that time, I was only exploring to the furthest regions just for the fun of it. I had made name and fame in my younger days, and made a pretty good living of off it. Enough that I really didn't need to work anymore. Though if a job seemed interesting enough, I would still take it on, and you'll be happy I did, as you'll soon notice" he said, each time he told the story with a smile on his face.
"The planet was a wasteland, absolutely barren. To be honest, I though I wouldn't find any life at all there. I passed over a couple of cities which were in total ruin. It mustn't of happend too long ago, because here and there, you could still see some smoke coming up." Valdör never did tell what happend there. Either he never found out, or he didn't want to tell me.
"I set down on the outskirts of a larger city. I'd been told that the item should be in that area. It's an orb of sorts, supposed to make any interior pleasing to guests. I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it, but my employer was a bit of an art freak and this being a unique item, he had to have it, and was willing to pay well for it. To each their own, I suppose.
"When entering the city a strong smell of burnt flesh stung my nose. Two buildings were still smoldering, I could see corpses lying about, burned to a crisp. Incendiary devices were used here. Things were looking very grim. Night was falling, both suns at the sky were about to go down. One was red, the other more yellow, which made for quite the spectacle. I suddenly understood a bit better why people had settled on this barren planet with scarce any life present.
"When I arrived at the art gallery where the item was supposed to be, I was happy to see the building still intact. The glass doors that once shuttered the building was now reduced to mere shards hanging from the hinges. There were several bodies inside, I couldn't see any obvious damage on them. It was like they all just dropped where they stood for no reason. I decided not to linger, grabbed the orb and got out of there."
This was the part where Valdör would usually say it got interesting, though I found what happend before always more entertaining.
"When I'd just left the city, returning to my ship I left at the edge, I noticed a faint screaming, like that of a child coming from just over a dune, near me. The explorer inside me couldn't help but go investigate. Once I'd crested the dune, I noticed banged up bus, just lying about in between the dunes, on it's side. The screaming continued. The bus was turned on it's side, with it's roof facing me, I had no idea what was awaiting me inside.
"I approached the rear of the bus, set on entering through the back window. With my rifle at the ready, I carefully peek around the corner, but my eye catches nothing. The screaming is clearly coming from inside. Listening closer I conclude that it must be a child's cry. I don't really hear anything else but that, so I decide to carefully enter.
I see several dead bodies scattered about the bus. Most of them seem to have died because of the crash. About halfway through, I locate the source of the sound...you. There you were, bundled up in several blankets about 2 years old, if I'd have to guess. A woman was lying near you. I searched her belongings, though couldn't find any sort of identification on her. I couldn't tell you if she knew you in a way or not..."
Anyway guys, that's it for now. Again, this is my first time writing, but I am very curious what you think about it. Is it too slow, not enough action, too much action, not enough detail...Whatever it is, please let me know, always looking to improve :slight_smile:
I am planning to write more of an origins story here than actually embodying my character.
An unplanned stop.
I awake with a banging headache, unsure of how I got it. I could of been the copious amount of alcohol I downed yesterday, or any of wide range of narcotics I ingested. Personally, my money is on the XTC, that dealer I got it of off was a bit shady looking.
It was 6AM, I've always been a terrible sleeper, especially after a night of heavy drinking. I can handle my drugs like a champ, but alcohol is what puts me down for the count, and afterwards wakes me up with stomach too twisted to lay my head to rest again.
Suddenly I realize that I'm actually in a toilet stall somewhere. I'm assuming a bar of some sorts, though I am in no condition yet to go out yet and explore where I actually am. After throwing up a couple times, I can't help but think back to how I ended up in this situation...
20 years earlier.
I can still recall with vivid detail how Valdör, the man who raised me, said he'd found me.
"I arrived on a backwater planet, way outside of the UEE's mapped systems, on a task to find an item of great value to my employer. Honestly though, at that time, I was only exploring to the furthest regions just for the fun of it. I had made name and fame in my younger days, and made a pretty good living of off it. Enough that I really didn't need to work anymore. Though if a job seemed interesting enough, I would still take it on, and you'll be happy I did, as you'll soon notice" he said, each time he told the story with a smile on his face.
"The planet was a wasteland, absolutely barren. To be honest, I though I wouldn't find any life at all there. I passed over a couple of cities which were in total ruin. It mustn't of happend too long ago, because here and there, you could still see some smoke coming up." Valdör never did tell what happend there. Either he never found out, or he didn't want to tell me.
"I set down on the outskirts of a larger city. I'd been told that the item should be in that area. It's an orb of sorts, supposed to make any interior pleasing to guests. I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it, but my employer was a bit of an art freak and this being a unique item, he had to have it, and was willing to pay well for it. To each their own, I suppose.
"When entering the city a strong smell of burnt flesh stung my nose. Two buildings were still smoldering, I could see corpses lying about, burned to a crisp. Incendiary devices were used here. Things were looking very grim. Night was falling, both suns at the sky were about to go down. One was red, the other more yellow, which made for quite the spectacle. I suddenly understood a bit better why people had settled on this barren planet with scarce any life present.
"When I arrived at the art gallery where the item was supposed to be, I was happy to see the building still intact. The glass doors that once shuttered the building was now reduced to mere shards hanging from the hinges. There were several bodies inside, I couldn't see any obvious damage on them. It was like they all just dropped where they stood for no reason. I decided not to linger, grabbed the orb and got out of there."
This was the part where Valdör would usually say it got interesting, though I found what happend before always more entertaining.
"When I'd just left the city, returning to my ship I left at the edge, I noticed a faint screaming, like that of a child coming from just over a dune, near me. The explorer inside me couldn't help but go investigate. Once I'd crested the dune, I noticed banged up bus, just lying about in between the dunes, on it's side. The screaming continued. The bus was turned on it's side, with it's roof facing me, I had no idea what was awaiting me inside.
"I approached the rear of the bus, set on entering through the back window. With my rifle at the ready, I carefully peek around the corner, but my eye catches nothing. The screaming is clearly coming from inside. Listening closer I conclude that it must be a child's cry. I don't really hear anything else but that, so I decide to carefully enter.
I see several dead bodies scattered about the bus. Most of them seem to have died because of the crash. About halfway through, I locate the source of the sound...you. There you were, bundled up in several blankets about 2 years old, if I'd have to guess. A woman was lying near you. I searched her belongings, though couldn't find any sort of identification on her. I couldn't tell you if she knew you in a way or not..."
Anyway guys, that's it for now. Again, this is my first time writing, but I am very curious what you think about it. Is it too slow, not enough action, too much action, not enough detail...Whatever it is, please let me know, always looking to improve :slight_smile:
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