Why letting me write the family newsletter is NEVER a good idea

sum1

Space Marshal
Jun 26, 2015
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sum1
After this baby goes public I am hoping my family never wants me to do this again

It has been quite a year in the Kentucky Branch of the (REDACTED) Family. Full of unexpected twists and turns. The Following is based on the true stories that have taken our family for an insane ride over the last year. I hope you enjoy and have popcorn handy.

Mom, (REDACTED), Started teaching at a very special school. “Xavier's school for gifted youngsters” She is very grateful for this opportunity and is teaching up a “STORM”. Her biggest accomplishment of the year happened on a staff trip to The Statue of Liberty where Mom and her co-workers were able to stop a terrorist attack by Erik Lehnsherr and his group, “The Brotherhood” against world leaders that were meeting on Ellis Island nearby.

As many of you know Dad, (REDACTED), took his rightful place as the boss of ENCOM, after being beamed inside a computer where Dad and a program named Tron worked together through a gladiator arena of video games to destroy the evil Sark that was ruling over the computer world and the MCP. This action leaked the information that proved Ed Dillinger stole Dads work. This lead to Dad becoming the new boss of ENCOM.

(REDACTED) has been in a ton of trouble this year. He hacked into NORAD, and without knowing it simulated a launch of nuclear missiles against, The United States and her allies. Thinking it is just a game (REDACTED) gives the NORAD supercomputer “WOPR” control of the enemy forces and NORAD is fooled into believing it is a real attack inbound. In a desperate attempt to prevent World War III (REDACTED) told the WOPR supercomputer to play tic-tac-toe against itself. This teaches the computer that in the game of Global Thermonuclear War, “The only winning move is not to play.” (REDACTED) is sticking to chess now.

I, (REDACTED), have also had a crazy year, after beating a fun video game called “Starfighter” and becoming the highest scoring player worldwide. I was able to meet the inventor of the game, Centauri, who is really an alien took me to the planet Rylos where I found out the game was a simulation used by the Rylan Star League to fine people with the right skills to fight the war against the Ko-Dan Empire. After all the Rylan’s base was destroyed, and all but one of the fighters, by a spy. I had to fly the last Gunstar, a prototype, in a 1 vs all fight for Rylos. I was able to destroy all the Ko-Dan fighters and caused their leader, Xur, to crash when he was trying to flee.

It has been a crazy year for all of us here. We hope your lives have been just as enjoyable.
The (REDACTED) Family, Kentucky Branch.
 
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