I think my Schizophrenia class is getting to me

[Enoch Lost]

So this semester, I'm taking an elective on schizophrenia. It's incredibly interesting, as well as sad and sometimes distressing. Kind of writing heavy, with multiple essays due a week, but they're graded somewhat leniently. But reading these case studies and memoirs is starting to eat at me, I think.

I woke up and rolled over, you know how you'll just sometimes wake up for 1 or 2 seconds at night? It's not "waking up" at all, really, just a couple seconds of consciousness before going back to sleep.

And I hear a woman's voice telling me, calmly and clearly, with just a hint of sarcastic edge to it, "You're going to die. So die."

Well THAT certainly got the blood pounding. I opened my eyes, looked around, checked the time and got annoyed that it was only 3 AM. Tried to get back to sleep. But then came the nightmare thoughts: half formed faces coming in the shadows, and a wavering of anger and hate and screaming at every corner and edge, and I was suddenly terrified of "the mouths of the bed," whatever that means. The darkness in the room was alive, and I had to get up and go to another room and turn on the lights before I could think straight, and holy *crap* I am not getting back to sleep tonight.

Well, I guess three hours of sleep was enough. -_-

 

[mromutt]

Sounds like you have been reading too much source information. Now just imagine how bad it for us that live with this :P but anyway, turn on music that you like have at least one light on then do something that mentally exhausts you. Or you can do lots of physical stuff to wear you out. It all distracts you and makes it hard to let wandering thoughts in :)

 

[o-BHG-o]

I don't think it's anything to worry about, there are regular cases of sleep
paralysis/apnea which include auditory and visual hallucinations, it's certainly not very nice but it's not inherently harmful. There are techniques for dealing with it if it persists. Don't go reading too much in to the Shadow stuff, it'll just stimulate your imagination and make it worse.
Basically, you gotta decide to not experience it anymore and make that clear in your head. Sleep well :)

 

[mromutt]

I don't think it's anything to worry about, there are regular cases of sleep
paralysis/apnea which include auditory and visual hallucinations, it's certainly not very nice but it's not inherently harmful. There are techniques for dealing with it if it persists. Don't go reading too much in to the Shadow stuff, it'll just stimulate your imagination and make it worse.
Basically, you gotta decide to not experience it anymore and make that clear in your head. Sleep well :)

Yeah its also really normal to have issues when in and around sleep states to have things like this if you are doing to much of something. Like if you played halo for 10+ hours a day for a few days.

 

[Enoch Lost]

Yeah I know I can get back to sleep, but I also know I'll need at least an hour or two of being awake to sort of . . . clear my brain? If that makes sense.

Actually I feel fine now. I could definitely fall asleep again now, if I felt sleepy. :P But I would have to wake up in an hour even if I could just instantly fall asleep now (which I couldn't), so it's sort of not worth trying.

Ugh. I can't even imagine how difficult life would be with that sort of thing being both uncontrollable and constant. Especially with the lack of insight that often accompanies it. It's really not fair that part of "hearing voices" is very often that your brain hacks itself to force it to believe the voices. And hallucinations aren't even really the most incapacitating part.

 

[Enoch Lost]

I don't think it's anything to worry about, there are regular cases of sleep
paralysis/apnea which include auditory and visual hallucinations, it's certainly not very nice but it's not inherently harmful. There are techniques for dealing with it if it persists. Don't go reading too much in to the Shadow stuff, it'll just stimulate your imagination and make it worse.
Basically, you gotta decide to not experience it anymore and make that clear in your head. Sleep well :)

Oh sure, I'm not worried or anything. I don't think I'm actually schizophrenic or anything. Everyone (or at least most people?) have occasional minor hallucinations now and then, and being half-asleep or barely-waking really enhances that.

 

[mromutt]

Yeah I know I can get back to sleep, but I also know I'll need at least an hour or two of being awake to sort of . . . clear my brain? If that makes sense.

Actually I feel fine now. I could definitely fall asleep again now, if I felt sleepy. :p But I would have to wake up in an hour even if I could just instantly fall asleep now (which I couldn't), so it's sort of not worth trying.

Ugh. I can't even imagine how difficult life would be with that sort of thing being both uncontrollable and constant. Especially with the lack of insight that often accompanies it. It's really not fair that part of "hearing voices" is very often that your brain hacks itself to force it to believe the voices. And hallucinations aren't even really the most incapacitating part.

You actually hit it on the head there about the brain believing its real, the funny part is once you make your brain understand its not real it happens less and less :) could just be simple your brain is filtering it out I am not sure, but it really does make a huge difference.

 

[Enoch Lost]

You actually hit it on the head there about the brain believing its real, the funny part is once you make your brain understand its not real it happens less and less :) could just be simple your brain is filtering it out I am not sure, but it really does make a huge difference.

From what I can tell, it's a disorder that's almost literally unique for each person who experiences it. For some people, once they learn to discern what the hallucinations are, it becomes easier (to a degree) to ignore them. For others, insight can come and go. Someone might go years ignoring their hallucinations (or at least trying to), and then suddenly "realize" that the voices were telling the truth all along and that their family/doctors/friends are all working against them to keep them from the secret truth of the world. :/

It's sort of like describing a "broken bone" as a single disorder. I mean, it is, yeah. But one person with a broken bone might be able to ignore the pain and push through it and live an ok life. Another person, with just as much gumption and persistence, might have a broken bone that makes it literally impossible to walk.

 

[mromutt]

From what I can tell, it's a disorder that's almost literally unique for each person who experiences it. For some people, once they learn to discern what the hallucinations are, it becomes easier (to a degree) to ignore them. For others, insight can come and go. Someone might go years ignoring their hallucinations (or at least trying to), and then suddenly "realize" that the voices were telling the truth all along and that their family/doctors/friends are all working against them to keep them from the secret truth of the world. :/

It's sort of like describing a "broken bone" as a single disorder. I mean, it is, yeah. But one person with a broken bone might be able to ignore the pain and push through it and live an ok life. Another person, with just as much gumption and persistence, might have a broken bone that makes it literally impossible to walk.

I get what you mean. Have you covered schizoaffective disorder yet?

 

[Enoch Lost]

I get what you mean. Have you covered schizoaffective disorder yet?

We briefly went over schizoaffective and schizophreniform disorder, but we're focusing on schizophrenia.

Some of the differentiation is really fuzzy, as well. Which makes sense, considering how it's really difficult to get objective measurements of how a person's thoughts are working.

 

[mromutt]

We briefly went over schizoaffective and schizophreniform disorder, but we're focusing on schizophrenia.

Some of the differentiation is really fuzzy, as well. Which makes sense, considering how it's really difficult to get objective measurements of how a person's thoughts are working.

Yeah sadly schizoaffective disorder is not as researched or as well understood, thats what caused me so much trouble growing up. They kept giving me all these drugs that made everything so much more horrible, but then when it was found to be schizoaffective and they stopped trying to medicate me I learned more about what I could do myself. And after years of hard work I manage it very well, hell I almost ever have any issues other than the depression part of it :) now PTSD on the other hand >.> that sucks even if it is very rare to have a problem, when you do though!

 

[Unshaven]

Perfectly natural reaction to a bio-chemical imbalance issue.

When you experience strange thoughts, simply think of it as your body's friendly "alcohol low-level light" blinking on and off in your mind.

Solution- don't fight it. Drink a beer.

 

[MzHartz]

I feel your pain. I became an insomniac when I was studying dream psychology. I was reading about techniques to record your dreams (I remember a very large amount of my dreams already, which is why I'm fascinated with the subject), and one suggested setting an alarm to wake you up when you're most likely to be having a dream, then recording it in a journal without getting out of bed. Suddenly, I started waking up in the middle of my dreams. I was able to get back to sleep, but my sleep wasn't as restful, and I started avoiding going to bed. It was also during a very stressful time of my life, and when I got rid of that stress, plus some outside help to make me sleep well, I finally got over it.

Side note: I had a dream about a Star Citizen amusement park last night...

 

[Unshaven]

I just noticed that next to the Aurora, there's a girl too.

 

[AntiSqueaker]

I had a similar experience reading a very visceral book about a similar subject. Twisted, by Andrew E. Kaufman. Excellent psychological thriller, very technically skilled writer.

It made me have the heebie jeebies and look over my shoulder for a few days. Not pleasant.

 

[vindslav]

Wait, you're a uni student and you sleep? Granted, your sleep has been interupted, still, sleep?

I never heard of such a thing. Would never had assumed that you could do both...

 

[Enoch Lost]

Well after awhile, not sleeping ends with death, so I assume most university students sleep. ;) I'm in pharmacy school, actually.

 

[mromutt]

I feel your pain. I became an insomniac when I was studying dream psychology. I was reading about techniques to record your dreams (I remember a very large amount of my dreams already, which is why I'm fascinated with the subject), and one suggested setting an alarm to wake you up when you're most likely to be having a dream, then recording it in a journal without getting out of bed. Suddenly, I started waking up in the middle of my dreams. I was able to get back to sleep, but my sleep wasn't as restful, and I started avoiding going to bed. It was also during a very stressful time of my life, and when I got rid of that stress, plus some outside help to make me sleep well, I finally got over it.

Side note: I had a dream about a Star Citizen amusement park last night...

I need details about this "Star Citizen amusement park" :o

 

[MzHartz]

I need details about this "Star Citizen amusement park" :eek:

Well, it was dream fodder, so it didn't make sense.

A very close friend of mine had won tickets to the new Star Citizen amusement park and took me along. It had VIP experience included, which included this knee high kiddie pool outside of a room, also with a couple inches of water on the floor, with a huge bed in it. Me, him, and 2 other winners laid on the bed and watched the stars on the ceiling. Executives came in and got mad at us, because we were supposed to start the movie that would play Star Citizen footage on the ceiling, but we were so entranced with the stars that we never started it.

Then I got lost in a labyrinth of elevators. (BTW, I dislike elevators.)

 

[mromutt]

Well, it was dream fodder, so it didn't make sense.

A very close friend of mine had won tickets to the new Star Citizen amusement park and took me along. It had VIP experience included, which included this knee high kiddie pool outside of a room, also with a couple inches of water on the floor, with a huge bed in it. Me, him, and 2 other winners laid on the bed and watched the stars on the ceiling. Executives came in and got mad at us, because we were supposed to start the movie that would play Star Citizen footage on the ceiling, but we were so entranced with the stars that we never started it.

Then I got lost in a labyrinth of elevators. (BTW, I dislike elevators.)

I want to start dissecting this dream but I am afraid to