General Information on The Great Asteroid Menace
Members of TEST Squadron I come before you today to speak of a grave threat to our drunken ways. It is not the lack of SOTS #14, though that is a cause of great [CONCERN] to us all. I speak of the Great Asteroid Menace. For those of you who have never encountered this listen close. Long ago when the verse was new and being patched, great unseen gravitational forces ripped apart new celestial bodies for fun and sport. This gave rise to the Great Asteroid Menace. The Menace has grown over time of course due to natural phenomena and some not so natural such as comet crashing. This is clearly seen in several systems currently under ancient siege by the Asteroids. The Great Asteroid Menace or TGAM for short threatens our very way of life. They have stolen all the Beer to fuel their lazy orbits.
TGAM likes to huddle in large groups due to their overall cowardly nature. They believe in strength in numbers and quantity over quality. Some of their largest members however are able to be captured and killed. Once their internals are hollowed out and the proper equipment has been installed they are able to be used as star ship hangars. TGAM has a hardened outer skin of some form of rock or ore. Inside their composition varies. Due to how they were birthed they could contain almost anything from gemstones, metals or explosive gas. We believe this last one to be a suicide mechanism though. The colors of these great beasts vary but it is known that the older ones are darker and have a more red tint to them than the younger generations.
Generally to combat this sort of threat we would send wave after wave of Auroras into the dense clusters of TGAM but this has proven ineffective. The ships did not have enough explosive force to completely obliterate an asteroid but instead only spawned several new ones that would replace the older larger one. This has been a great setback in our plans to conquer all of known space. It was thought with great optimism we could One Crash any threat but this enemy......has proven to be far greater than that.
A New Weapon
To combat this interstellar bully the black ops team at RSI has given us their greatest weapon yet: The Orion(see obviously not Photoshopped picture). Named after the Greek hunter of legend, the Orion can cut to the heart of one of these creatures to extract their valuable internal materials to build more Orion warships. The Orion weapons platform is now being rolled out for general commercial use to all soldiers willing to join this fight. These tools are no longer just for the elite Shubin Forces or other covert groups. These newer more mobile weapons can be deployed at a moment's notice and only require a crew complement of 6. Mighty lasers, tractor beams, and grinders round out this weapon's main offensive battery. Use it well and bring order to the verse and eradicate The Great Asteroid Menace!
That ends this special ultra secret public tactical briefing documentary situation report. Stay strong fellow TESTies. We must endure until we get SOTS #14! I just hope this can relieve some [CONCERN] in the meantime.
Members of TEST Squadron I come before you today to speak of a grave threat to our drunken ways. It is not the lack of SOTS #14, though that is a cause of great [CONCERN] to us all. I speak of the Great Asteroid Menace. For those of you who have never encountered this listen close. Long ago when the verse was new and being patched, great unseen gravitational forces ripped apart new celestial bodies for fun and sport. This gave rise to the Great Asteroid Menace. The Menace has grown over time of course due to natural phenomena and some not so natural such as comet crashing. This is clearly seen in several systems currently under ancient siege by the Asteroids. The Great Asteroid Menace or TGAM for short threatens our very way of life. They have stolen all the Beer to fuel their lazy orbits.
TGAM likes to huddle in large groups due to their overall cowardly nature. They believe in strength in numbers and quantity over quality. Some of their largest members however are able to be captured and killed. Once their internals are hollowed out and the proper equipment has been installed they are able to be used as star ship hangars. TGAM has a hardened outer skin of some form of rock or ore. Inside their composition varies. Due to how they were birthed they could contain almost anything from gemstones, metals or explosive gas. We believe this last one to be a suicide mechanism though. The colors of these great beasts vary but it is known that the older ones are darker and have a more red tint to them than the younger generations.
Generally to combat this sort of threat we would send wave after wave of Auroras into the dense clusters of TGAM but this has proven ineffective. The ships did not have enough explosive force to completely obliterate an asteroid but instead only spawned several new ones that would replace the older larger one. This has been a great setback in our plans to conquer all of known space. It was thought with great optimism we could One Crash any threat but this enemy......has proven to be far greater than that.
A New Weapon
To combat this interstellar bully the black ops team at RSI has given us their greatest weapon yet: The Orion(see obviously not Photoshopped picture). Named after the Greek hunter of legend, the Orion can cut to the heart of one of these creatures to extract their valuable internal materials to build more Orion warships. The Orion weapons platform is now being rolled out for general commercial use to all soldiers willing to join this fight. These tools are no longer just for the elite Shubin Forces or other covert groups. These newer more mobile weapons can be deployed at a moment's notice and only require a crew complement of 6. Mighty lasers, tractor beams, and grinders round out this weapon's main offensive battery. Use it well and bring order to the verse and eradicate The Great Asteroid Menace!
That ends this special ultra secret public tactical briefing documentary situation report. Stay strong fellow TESTies. We must endure until we get SOTS #14! I just hope this can relieve some [CONCERN] in the meantime.
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