The Shitpost Repo

WarrenPeace

Space Marshal
Jul 17, 2014
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Shortspark
in a perfect world, meme generators would have spell-cheking built in
I think it's spelled perfectly for this thread.

 

that_frog_kurtis

Space Marshal
Dec 3, 2013
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August 2016: Donald Trump announces his VP. Hillary physically attacks him during a debate.

November 2016: Donald Trump elected 45th president of the United States.

April 2017: Hillary Clinton sentenced to 37 years for high treason. Bush family forced into hiding.

September 2018: Great Wall of America completed "Under budget, ahead of schedule".

October 2019: The great northern wall erected. "When Canada sends their people they send Beibers, they send Krogers, they send Cruzs, some I assume are good people but they elected Trudeau so we can't take a chance".

June 2020: Ellis island reopened as German refugees pour in after Germany taken over by Sharia Law. "They can come here, but they have to do so legally."

November 2020: Trump wins reelection carrying 50 out of 50 states plus Washington.

June 2021: Boots on the ground in Eurabia "We will liberate them and make Europe great again"

Jan 2022: "We got her" Merkel captured in a spider hole outside Dusseldorf. To stand trial for crimes against German people.

August 2022: US forces reach the Aegean sea. Europe annexed into greater American empire.

April 2022: Seige of Istanbul is successful. Constantinople reclaimed.

June 2023: Communist forces of the Democratic peoples republic of Canada launch sneak attack across lake Michigan. Chicago burns.

July 2024: Toronto falls. Canada annexed. Quebecois forced to learn English.

August 2024: 22nd amendment repealed.

November 2024: Trump wins third term.

Jan 2025: Attempted coup by Sandernista revolutionaries leads to emergency powers granted to Emperor Trump.

July 2030: Total victory against Islam reached. "No longer do you have to worry about women being killed for not being covered, gays being thrown from rooftops, people being stoned. sharia law will not rule. I told you I'd do something about it and I did".

July 2035: United American Empire lands on Mars.

2037: Greater American empire split into Trumpium and the Trumpantine empire for administrative purposes, Barron Trump promoted to co-emperor

2038: Earths greatest scientists perfect immortality for Emperor Trump.

2040: The Chinese empire falls. Trumpian forces quickly establish order.

2041: All resistance wiped out Earth is united under one banner. Except Mexico. Fuck Mexico.

2060: Terra colonists arrive at Alpha Centauri.

2066: The Immortal Donald achieves the title God Emperor of Mankind.

3000: Humans expand to 30 star systems. Population 700 trillion "I told you we would be great again. Yuge!"

40,000: Human empire stretches across thousands of systems with Holy Terra and the Immortal God Emperor Trump at its center. The Celestial Imperium of Trump shall rule forever.
 

ChenAU

Vice Admiral
Dec 8, 2014
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chenau
Ty for the nightmares..
i see you have yet to read this
Arc 2:

Subaru wakes up in unknown room alone and decides to figure out where he is, when it turns out he's he's stuck in a endless, looping corridor. He eventually stumbled across a little girl who was apparently the one who healed him. She dislikes Subaru's attitude so she drains his mana (painfully) and he passes out, once again waking up in the same room but this time being watched by the twin maids Ram and Rem.

He learns that Emilia had brought him to her sponsor's mansion in the country side in order to treat him. He greets the mansion's owner and Emilia's sponsor, Roswaal, the royal court magician who speaks in a silly way and wears heavy cosmetics resembling a jester's. Subaru learns that the item Emilia was after in the first arc was a symbol of proof that allowed her to be a candidate to be the next ruler of the country, since the previous royal family including relatives have all died off to a strange and incurable disease.

Subaru, having no real plans having just come to this world, decides to work as a butler for Roswaal to stay with Emilia. Subaru begins learning how to read and write the new world's language under the tutelage of Ram, how to clean/be a butler (he's really bad it), general magic knowledge (he has an aptitude for dark magic, but can only use all his mana to more or less blind himself and a little of his surroundings. This is fairly useless since using all your mana means you pass out), getting bit by the village dog, playing with the village kids and doing morning exercises with them, getting to the know the mansion's residents, etc. He doesn't get too acquainted with Roswaal as he leaves early for business.

But one day after going to sleep, he wakes up in his room again being watched by the twin maids, this being somewhat unusual but not enough for Subaru to mind, he talks to them normally. They're somewhat taken aback by his over-friendly demeanor as they don't recognize Subaru. Subaru realizes that he had died in his sleep somehow and that his loop ability had created a checkpoint to return to for some reason. Subaru, now paranoid that death is lurking around the corner, tries to figure out what happened and more or less repeats everything. On the same night that he died in the first loop, he starts feeling very cold and weak, and it quickly gets worse. Despite his condition, he's worried about Emilia and goes to see if she's suffering from the same thing, but is killed by someone before he can get there.

Subaru begins to changing his actions a little. Like instead of working for Roswaal, he decides to leave the mansion to watch it from afar to see what the deal is. This time he hunted down and heavily injured by Rem who for some reason deemed him a threat without consulting Roswaal or Ram, and then finished off by Ram who caught up and pity-killed Subaru.

Subaru at some point loses it because the only one he thinks he can trust is Emilia and decides to hole up in his room in a loop. Eventually something happens and Beatrice (the little girl who healed him and the cause of the looping corridor) convinced him to come out, and Rem is found dead from the same thing that was affecting Subaru in the first two loops. This causes Ram to completely lose it and start going after Subaru because she thinks he has something to do with it, but he is protected by Beatrice and he runs away. He gets hurt somehow, mauled by a wolf or something, and he wakes up after Beatrice has healed him. Beatrice, despite her cold and tsun-tsun attitude, really doesn't like it when people are hurt in front of her.

Eventually Ram finds them, still not having given up. After some talking (if you want to use that word for it) Subaru decides that this loop is irredeemable and throws himself head-first off a cliff, killing himself for the first time. Before he does, he lets Ram know that he in the end he likes her and everyone at the mansion.

Eventually he finds out that the reason Rem had attacked him was because each time he loops, Subaru reeks more and more of the same scent of the Witch of Envy. The Witch of Envy is a legendary evil witched, sealed by the 3 sages and the cause of discrimination toward Emilia. The witch apparently was a half-elf with silver-hair, just like Emilia, but was sealed 400 years ago by the founding dragon of the nation, the holy swordsman, and a sage. Rem and Ram were of the Oni tribe, and Rem distinctly remembers the witch of envy's smell being there the day everyone was killed, but all this means to Subaru is that getting Rem to trust him is near impossible. Ram apparently can't smell it because she lost her horn as an Oni, making her more or less a normal person. Rem considered Ram losing her horn to be her fault and due to this, is extremely obedient to Ram.

At some point Subaru tries to tell Emilia that he can Return by Death, but when he does black arms appear and seemingly stop time, and cause him extreme pain. He literally can't tell anyone about it. He also later learns that by doing this, the Witch's scent grows stronger on him each time.

Eventually, Subaru figures out the cause of the curse killing him and Rem was the dog that keeps biting him in the village (the curse activates when the monster dog gets hungry, which can take up to a few days) and that several of the kids from the village have gone missing. Subaru goes into the forest to find them, along with Rem who is there to serve as Subaru's executioner if he does anything funny and a drug to help restore his mana after he uses Shakma (the blinding spell that costs all his mana). They find all the kids but one and Subaru has Rem take them out, since being an Oni she has super strength and Subaru couldn't even if he wanted to.

While she's evacuating the kids, Subaru finds the last kid and ends up fighting a wolf, abusing the drug medicine, and eventually getting mauled by several more wolves but is saved by Rem. He wakes up again after treatment for the nth time, but this time it hasn't looped; he's covered in scars all over from the severe mauling he got. He learns that he probably doesn't have long to live since the multiple curses from the dogs are too tangled to be removed and the curse will activate whenever they get hungry. Subaru is more concerned about Rem missing, though. Ram and Subaru quickly learn that Rem acted on her own again just like when she went to hunt Subaru in and earlier loop, so they head into the forest to get her since Ram has a clairvoyant ability and can find her. As they thought, Rem is hunting wolves to try to get rid the curse because she feels bad but there's simply too many and they don't know which ones actually cursed Subaru.

Ram runs out of mana along the way and ends up getting carried by Subaru. Rem is in her Oni-mode, meaning she's not very sane but a lot stronger, which Ram deems they need to hit the horn to bring her out of it. Rem tries to kill Subaru in her madness, but refuses to hit Ram for some reason. Subaru uses this by tossing Ram at Rem (after having Ram promise she won't get angry at his plan) and hits Rem on the horn, causing her to collapse.

Both Ram and Rem are exhausted, but Ram becomes able to move yet now Rem can't. On their way of escorting the twins out, wolves attack them and Subaru decides to play bait (by abusing the fact that he can't talk about Return by Death, although this is a very painful way of being bait) since the wolves are attracted to the Witch of Envy scent coming from Subaru. He abuses Shakma and the mana drug a lot more here and when eventually becomes unable to move. He gets saved by Roswaal returning, who then proceeds to clean up the rest of the forest of wolves while he was at it.

Rem now really likes Subaru, but Subaru's constant abuse of his mana gate (the source of mana inside of everyone) caused it to fracture, which means his mana regeneration is now worse than ever, using Shakma any more will only cause this fracture to worsen, and having a fractured gate is eventually lethal.


Extra Notes:
1) The little girl Subaru goes alone to save from the monster dog is actually the one controlling them, a monster tamer, and the cause behind the monster dogs' sudden appearance.
And she was hired by Rosewaal to do this.

2) The dog just kinda bites you and then when it gets hungry it drains all your mana. That's why Subaru got fucked up every time he went to the village to get supplies. The time Rem dies for no reason in a loop is because seeing as Subaru is just locked up she HAS to go to the village and ends up getting bit instead.


Arc 3:

Before the loop:
25 chapters spent to set up the protagonist's downfall.

This part introduces all of the candidates for the throne. The royal linage has been interrupted by deaths and those chosen by the dragon crest must compete to be the next King/Queen
Five candidates are chosen by the Dragon, Emilia being one of them.
All five women play very important role in the story, and each has their own champion.

Because of Subaru's reckless behavior, Emilia tells him to stay put at the inn, and he promises he will.
Emilia is a girl who holds promises very seriously because she' s a spirit/elemental contractor. Promises are very important to these existences and she considers them basically absolute.
But he betrays Emilia's trust by breaking the promise by getting Apple Merchant and Rom's help sneaking into the palace.
Subaru didn't really have a plan and he gets found by Priscilla immediately. He still gets a ticket into the meeting because Priscilla was bored and wanted some entertainment.

Now he makes a fool of himself in front of the entire royal court.
He declares himself as Emilia's knight because all the other candidates have one and Emilia doesn't. Of course no one takes him seriously and Emilia herself doesn't approve him to be.
This eventually leads to Julius challenging him to a duel to quickly put Subaru in his place, granted some of the other knights don't really approve because Subaru is a complete amateur and Julius isn't, but Subaru accepts anyway.
So Subaru spends his time getting his ass beat for a surprisingly long time because if there's one thing Subaru has, it's tenacity and he just keeps getting up despite being a bloodied mess who clearly shouldn't be up.
Reinhart tries to stop the duel when he saw Subaru beat up, but Al got in his way, because he felt the fight should continue until Subaru stops.
At this point the onlookers have basically all gone silent because it's just hard to watch at this point but Subaru is insistent on getting a hit on the smug fucker, so he uses his Shakma ability (Subaru's mana gate is still very unstable and damaged at this point in time and he isn't supposed to be doing magic things so this is a stupid move no matter how you look at it).
In the end he never gets a hit in. This results in him getting the cold shoulder from Emilia and being left behind in the capital with Rem for treatment on his wounds and mana gate.


The loop starts:
He loses trust with everyone including Emilia, and they leave him in the capital.
He sinks into depression, but the only person who didn't leave his side is Rem, who displayed her unyielding love by continually caring for him.
He trains under Wilhelm, who is under Cruche's (one of the candidates) orders. He learns that the Roswall's mansion is in danger, and hurries out to get back to Emilia, breaking yet another promise.
But the road back to the mansion is hazardous due to appearance of the White Whale of Gluttony.
In his attempt to get back to the mansion he and Rem are captured by the Cult of the Witch, an evil cult who worship Satella the Witch of Envy, and schemes to bring the Witch back into the world.

Here's where the hell starts: 25 chapters of constant death, torture, and unspeakable horrors by the Witch Cult.
Subaru and Rem are tortured, mutilated, and killed by Betelgeuse, the Bishop of Sloth.
In one of the loops Subaru finds his way back to the mansion alone, only to find the whole village piled in a mountain of corpses, Ram mutilated in front of them, Emilia dead in the mansion, and an enraged Puck going out of control, freezing the entire region and instantly killing Subaru.
In another loop Subaru is driven insane from the torture he receives from Betelgeuse, who rips apart Rem in front of his eyes piece by piece.
This insanity lasts a whole loop as Rem tries to carry Subaru who has turned into a drooling madman and make back to the mansion. At the end of this loop, the two are again captured and tortured, but this manages to snap Subaru back to sanity thanks to his anger.

After many deaths and revelations Subaru starts to formulate plans to save everything. He works to redeem himself in the eyes of everyone who shunned him.
He eventually wins the trust of several Queen candidates, and forms an alliance with Julius, the knight he lost duel to, Wilhelm, an elderly swordsman under Cruche, and beastmen mercenaries working for Anastasia (another candidate).
The group heads out first to destroy the White Whale who is blocking the passage to the mansion (~30 chapters dedicated to this). Wilhelm has a beef with the said Whale, for losing his wife many years ago.
The battle is very fierce and those who were eaten by the whale are ERASED from the world. History, memory of them, everything. No one, not even family, remembers them from ever existing. However, for some reason Subaru can remember them.
But after several deaths and loops, the group finally downs the whale.

Subaru's save point is moved (it seems killing the whale was an objective).
Now Subaru heads the allies to face Betelgeuse and the Cult of the Witch.
They lose several times, and everyone killed, but each time Subaru learns more about the Bishop and plans his tactics. The insane Bishop has the power to manifest invisible "Hands of God" that can kill anyone without them ever seeing them.
After many bloody battles, Subaru and his allies is victorious and Betelgeuse is killed.
It's the best possible outcome, or so it seemed.

Subaru wins back the trust of Emilia, but learns a shocking truth... she doesn't remember who Rem is.
He rushes to go see Rem, to find her comatose and no one remembering her.
Rem and Cruche has been attacked by Bishop of Gluttony. Rem was eaten and "erased" from the world, whereas Cruche's own memory was lost (others remember her fine).
Not even Ram, Rem's own sister, remembers who she is.

Rem was the only person that stayed at his side with unwavering trust and devotion, so this devastates Subaru who had just managed to recover from so much averted tragedies.
Moreover, after becoming romantically involved with Rem, Subaru despairs and commits suicide.
But when he wakes up, he realizes the "save point" had moved forward after defeating Betelgeuse, the Bishop of Sloth, and since Rem was attacked before that time, it was now impossible to go back in time to save Rem.

So many revelations about this world, Subaru's curse, and the secrets of the Witches are revealed or hinted in this arc.
But in the end of it all, it still only results in sadness.


Extra Notes:
1) At one point in arc 3, Subaru can't take the suffering anymore and decides to forget everything and run away with Rem.
He soon changes his mind, but this alternate continuity is a "what if he didn't change his mind and did run away...?"
They live happily ever after with two children.

2) Rem brings up how she loves Subaru and wants to be with him, and due to her amazing support during the ordeal, he seriously considers it but tells her he still prioritizes Emilia.
Rem is alright with this and will do her best to convince to take them both, and of course Subaru will give it a shot but will abide by whatever Emilia decides on.
So once the fight is over and everything's peachy, he brings it up to Emilia on their way to rendezvous with others including Rem.
Except Emilia has no idea who this Rem girl is, and no one else does either, and he later finds her in a coma with no one else knowing who she even is either.
The first time Subaru sees Rem in coma, he kills himself immediately. He resurrects pretty much right before that point, and this is when he realizes he cannot go back in time to save Rem anymore.

3) Due to Beatrice being in a different dimension at the time, her memories of Rem aren't taken away.
However, once she stops staying in the library, she does forget Gluttony's newer victims.


Arc 4:

Rosewaal basically forces Emilia to undergo a trial she has no way of overcoming without Subaru's help.
Emilia constantly mentally breaks in this arc.
There's also loads of other fun things. Like dealing with the mansion (Beatrice) getting attacked while they're away, a swarm of Gluttony rabbits (imagine a locust swarm, but of rabbits that are super deadly and can't be killed unless you kill them all at the same time) that need dealt with.
Not to mention Rosewaal himself clearly being an enemy.

Subaru gets to see a what-if segment of what might have happened (the person showing him these doesn't know if they're parallel worlds or really just the world calculating what would have happened) after he dies in certain loops.
Like Emilia bawling over Subaru killing himself after finding out Rem was in a coma, screaming WHY WHY would you do this to me.
Or Ram and Beatrice shocked that Subaru jumped off a cliff and killed himself.
Pack getting killed by Reinhardt after killing Subaru.
The one time where Sloth possesses Subaru and dies a very gruesome death while keeping Sloth trapped is a good what-if.
Since it was basically Emilia's fault and she knew it and had a front row seat.
Subaru realizes there's a possibility that those universe didn't cease to exist and takes this all very hard.
[/spoler]
 

WarrenPeace

Space Marshal
Jul 17, 2014
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RSI Handle
Shortspark
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