The Testie Times: Drake Interplanetary

[Jagarot]

So here's a preview for the re-boot of the Testie Times, hope you enjoy.

Drake Interplanetary your Favorite Pirate Company:

Founded by the lead designer of Drake's very first project (The Cutlass, initially part of the "volksfighter" competition sponsered by the UEE, that lost out to the now forgotten Wildcat) Jan Dredge, his fellow engineers becoming the first Seven board members.



Instead of keeping with tradition and Incorporating on a Human "Homeworld" like Earth or Terra Drake Interplanetary Founded its headquarters on the economically inferior Borea (Magnus II)



It began production in 2922 of its first ship, the Cutlass, a ship that brought none of the fancy components or features of its more "updated" counterparts. However the Cutlass was produced at a third of the cost of any other ship and due to its quick assembly time, could be produced just about anywhere.



Within a few years Drake Interplanetary was so overwhelmed by sub-contractors offers to make assembly plants on other planets that the legal process to accept the offers could not keep up with the sheer number of offers made.



Both fortunately and unfortunately for Drake Interplanetary their ship was bought at an unprecedented rate, the only problem, the people who were buying them. With Aegis Dynamics out of favor with the public due to its association to the Messer Era the only ships they had were outrageously expensive for regular production, and the production facilities being on core UEE worlds no criminal could hope to obtain one. Their solution, the brand spanking new Cutlass Black from Drake Interplanetary.



With its product now unequivocally bound to the image of piracy and raiding, CEO Jan Dredge had two options, change the company's image to be more clean and sophisticated (a market that other companies had under an unbreakable iron grip), or embrace their new image.



With nothing but money on his mind, Dredge made the easiest decision of his life. This lead to the Drake Interplanetary we all know and love (or hate) today. So hang your poster of that Cutlass with pride, even though you know the show girl standing in it is probably more plastic than a Barby doll.

Note: All information in this post IS cannon and was taken directly from CIG

 

[Shadow Reaper]

I could not get past the first sentence, as it does not have a verb. Please try again. If you want to post journalism, you should not post rough drafts, IMHO.

 

[Jagarot]

First: Preview is a verb
Second: The first sentence is not apart of the draft
Third: If you are talking about the draft founded is a verb its the past tense of found.

 

[EpilepticCricket]

It needs some editing, but it's good!

 

[Shadow Reaper]

First: Preview is a verb
Second: The first sentence is not apart of the draft
Third: If you are talking about the draft founded is a verb its the past tense of found.

If you really can't tell that the first sentence has no verb, you should not attempt any journalism. You have not there written a sentence, and what is there does not convey a cogent thought. "Founded by the lead designer. . ." is a prepositional phrase and functions as an adjective modifying the subject "Jan Dredge" as does all that precedes it. However Jan isn't doing anything and there is no verb in the structure meaning it is not a sentence. You were supposed to learn this by 5th grade. This is why they call it grammar school.

No offense intended, but you need to frame your thoughts clearly and consistently in order to act the journalist, and you are not doing this. I'm sure you would be happier had I not said the truth, but you really need to learn your fifth grade English to do journalism. This is the kind of stuff you can pick up online in an hour and never have this kind of mistake happen again.

BTW as a point of style, plopping down more than one prepositional phrase to modify any single object or subject is sloppy writing, that taxes the reader by forcing him to parse out wordy, careless, lazy writing. Fuck that nonsense. Learn to write well. Do what you were told to do in fifth grade and stop with the silly run ons. Even great writers can't get away with stuff like this.

Writing well is intrinsic to organizing your thoughts well, and thus in thinking well. Again, no offense intended, but if no one here says this above sucks, you will not get that it sucks and keep right on doing the same lame nonsense. That doesn't help you or anyone else.

And hey, I'm a pirate. I can act the prick on occasion.

 

[Shive]

Harsh criticism. Could you give a few examples of how he could have structured his sentences differently, so we can label your critique as being a bit more constructive? =)
I'm by no stretch of the imagination a grammar expert, so if you would share your thoughts so even us 5th graders here can understand, that would be nice :D I could probably learn a thing or two too.

 

[RipVanDan]

If you really can't tell that the first sentence has no verb, you should not attempt any journalism. You have not there written a sentence, and what is there does not convey a cogent thought. "Founded by the lead designer. . ." is a prepositional phrase and functions as an adjective modifying the subject "Jan Dredge" as does all that precedes it. However Jan isn't doing anything and there is no verb in the structure meaning it is not a sentence. You were supposed to learn this by 5th grade. This is why they call it grammar school.

No offense intended, but you need to frame your thoughts clearly and consistently in order to act the journalist, and you are not doing this. I'm sure you would be happier had I not said the truth, but you really need to learn your fifth grade English to do journalism. This is the kind of stuff you can pick up online in an hour and never have this kind of mistake happen again.

BTW as a point of style, plopping down more than one prepositional phrase to modify any single object or subject is sloppy writing, that taxes the reader by forcing him to parse out wordy, careless, lazy writing. Fuck that nonsense. Learn to write well. Do what you were told to do in fifth grade and stop with the silly run ons. Even great writers can't get away with stuff like this.

Writing well is intrinsic to organizing your thoughts well, and thus in thinking well. Again, no offense intended, but if no one here says this above sucks, you will not get that it sucks and keep right on doing the same lame nonsense. That doesn't help you or anyone else.

And hey, I'm a pirate. I can act the prick on occasion.

I would say offense was intended with the 5th grade comments. Lame nonsense would also be words used by someone intending to offend. We all have our pet peeves. No offense intended... perhaps a little.

 

[Shadow Reaper]

Harsh criticism. Could you give a few examples of how he could have structured his sentences differently, so we can label your critique as being a bit more constructive?

If it were my intention to teach fifth grade English, certainly I could do this. That was not the intention of the post. The post needs to be harsh because he does not get that his writing sucks. If he understood his writing sucks he would have sought to fix that rather than post "journalism". He does not need coddling. He is not a child. What he needs is sufficient motivation to develop his writing skills through his professed interest, and the best road to that outcome is to have someone be harsh with him.

It hurts but so does putting your hand on a hot stove. Unless you're an idiot (and he's not) you don't do that more than once. The point is not to teach. I have enough work and no one comes here to instruct. The point is to motivate him to learn what he should have in fifth grade. He isn't going to get there without some harshness and indeed, I am sorry for that. No matter. There is always time to learn and to grow, and if what it takes to motivate him toward that is a piratical prick, well so be it.

. . .but I am really a warm and cuddly sod. . .I really am. . .

 

[Shadow Reaper]

I'm by no stretch of the imagination a grammar expert, so if you would share your thoughts so even us 5th graders here can understand, that would be nice :D I could probably learn a thing or two too.

No one likes a grammar Nazi. That will suck the life right out of any forum. I don't generally care about typos and grammar mistakes, etc. and I don't check my own writing for them. Perfect posting is not the point here nor in any like forum. As a general rule, only anal retentive bores point out such mistakes.

However, Jag wants to play journalist, and he asked people for their honest thoughts on his writing. Anyone who knows their English pretty well knows that he needs to work out some grammar. The thing is, if we coddle him, he will continue to ignore what he should have known was a serious need since fifth grade. So this is one of those very rare occasions in life when someone asks you should honestly answer "fuck that nonsense" and "this sucks".

Harsh, but true.

 

[EpilepticCricket]

And hey, I'm a pirate. I can act the prick on occasion.

I'm an asshole so you have to put up with me being an asshole.

If you're an asshole, no one will grant you or your opinions more respect you just because you label yourself one first.

I could not get past the first sentence, as it does not have a verb. Please try again.

You don't start a critique by saying "this is garbage do it over" under the guise of "it's just harsh criticism dude lighten up".

If you had bothered to read the rest of the post, which by your own admission you did not, you would have seen that the rest is just fine. Barring a comma here or there, it's fine. Fine enough for a digital magazine made by a ragtag team of amateurs that just want to have some fun and bring enjoyment to other people. I'm sorry that we're having more fun than you are by doing proactive things that get positive feedback.

You also don't get to say "I was an asshole to this guy because he asked for it, but I don't hold myself to the same standards". Fuck that noise. He didn't say "hey, point out everything that's wrong with this in the most prickish way you can!" If you don't care about the quality of your own work, then you have no basis for thinking that you know how other people would feel.

Anyone, and I mean anyone including professional authors and journalists, can write a sentence that makes sense in their head, but is wrong grammatically. I do this stuff every day. I work at the largest state based magazine in Kentucky. Some of the articles that we *pay for* are far worse than this. If you had the first inkling of insight into the journalistic editing process you would know that getting the idea on paper is the most important step. Fixing the odd sentence, grammar mistake, or punctuation mishap are easy and only take a moment.

Also you used "intrinsic" wrong. And your ellipsis too.

 

[Xian-Luc Picard]

Not only is it a first draft, but it is a first draft of a creative writing article for a web forum. Once he starts writing for The Economist, feel free to judge harshly. Until then, enjoy the story.

 

[Shive]

I'd be sad if I was spoken to in that tone, but he has a point. People have a tendency to be needlessly nice about something. I don't think we're doing him a favor by saying this stuff is rock solid when the writing is off by so much. Even I can tell. (think the idea behind, and the story so to speak is fine, it's just the way it is written is off for me, personally.)
Is it a necessary evil? It's a really hard line to draw.

I think the message could have been delivered in a nicer way @Shadow Reaper. You can say you think something is bad without completely destroying the person behind it his or her pride. Hope you're not scared away from completely @Jagarot.

 

[Shadow Reaper]

. . .I'm certain you mean you're fat, hairy and unkept...

Bah hah ha!
Okay, now that is funny! That's what we want here, none of this messing' around. Say the truth! Bwah hah ha! Your mother dresses you funny! HA!

Fixing the odd sentence, grammar mistake, or punctuation mishap are easy and only take a moment.

Yes, but that's not what this is. This is a case where someone wants our input about acting as a journalist, and who was told he was not writing in complete sentences, and chose to argue the point and claim that he was writing in complete sentences. Get some perspective, man.

Also you used "intrinsic" wrong. And your ellipsis too.

No actually, I did not. Is English your second language?

Hey, if someone comes to you under friendly circumstances and asks "do I have stinky toes" and he has stinky toes, the real men, the men of honor will not just pinch their noses and walk away like all those who read this folder before me and said nothing. The real men will own up and say "sorry man. . ." (which is what I said) "but yeah hey sorry, your toes really stink badly."

BTW grammar Nazi, what you should have written was that I used intrinsic "wrongly" since you are modifying "used" which means you need an adverb. BEEEEEEEEEEP. You get an F, for attempting to correct someone's grammar and failing. I don't care where you work, your English usage is obviously sub-adult. I practiced the proper use of the ellipsis, used "intrinsic" properly and did so without committing the childish misuse of an adjective where plainly an adverb was called for. Y'all understand though, now we both look like dicks for arguing stuff like this which doesn't really help Jag's motivation to learn proper English.

So now just lemme restate, this is not about correcting people's grammar. This is about being honest when someone asks you for feedback about their writing, when they are practicing at being a professional writer, which is what a journalist is. Someone who cannot form complete sentences should not be pretending to play journalist. Is this hard to understand?

 

[Shive]

Bah hah ha!
Okay, now that is funny! That's what we want here, none of this messing' around. Say the truth! Bwah hah ha! Your mother dresses you funny! HA!

Yes, but that's not what this is. This is a case where someone wants our input about acting as a journalist, and who was told he was not writing in complete sentences, and chose to argue the point and claim that he was writing in complete sentences. Get some perspective, man.

No actually, I did not. Is English your second language?

Hey, if someone comes to you under friendly circumstances and asks "do I have stinky toes" and he has stinky toes, the real men, the men of honor will not just pinch their noses and walk away like all those who read this folder before me and said nothing. The real men will own up and say "sorry man. . ." (which is what I said) "but yeah hey sorry, your toes really stink badly."

BTW grammar Nazi, what you should have written was that I used intrinsic "wrongly" since you are modifying "used" which means you need an adverb. BEEEEEEEEEEP. You get an F, for attempting to correct someone's grammar and failing. I don't care where you work, your English usage is obviously sub-adult. I practiced the proper use of the ellipsis, used "intrinsic" properly and did so without committing the childish misuse of an adjective where plainly an adverb was called for. Y'all understand though, now we both look like dicks for arguing stuff like this which doesn't really help Jag's motivation to learn proper English.

So now just lemme restate, this is not about correcting people's grammar. This is about being honest when someone asks you for feedback about their writing, when they are practicing at being a professional writer, which is what a journalist is. Someone who cannot form complete sentences should not be pretending to play journalist. Is this hard to understand?

Okay, let's cut it here. You don't get to throw around Fs to people for attempting to correct your grammar, just like @EpilepticCricket shouldn't go in to throw an instant karma trying to disprove Shadow Reapers grammar skills. You don't disprove it with a single example anyway.

Shadow Reaper has given his reply, let's leave it at that for now.

In general I'd like to say that. People can be "honest" to a certain point, but if it's negative honesty no one is asking for, then don't bother sharing it with others. The intention with it obviously has to be good. If it's just to shit all over someone, then... you should keep it to yourself (goes for all). Hope that's clear =)

 

[EpilepticCricket]

You know, I was about to go into a big response here in defense of my post and Jagarot's work, but instead, I think I'm just going to walk away.

You can't argue with a man who thinks he's right.


Edit:

just like @EpilepticCricket shouldn't go in to throw an instant karma trying to disprove Shadow Reapers grammar skills.

You're right. I was just being petty with that, but the point was to be petty.