I had Chinese food recently and after a long struggle to get to the toilet I made it, only to realize I still had my pants on. I moved to release the belt and as I did I felt it. It was as if Jesus himself parted my cheeks and forced his way out to the as-of-then clean water of the toilet. That day I experienced the benevolent might of our Dear Leader as I cried out to the God Emperor Montoya for protection from the coming storm. Ripping my jeans off with a spurt of herculean strength I pulled an Iraqi Squat and the battle began. My insides declared themselves wretched and impure as a stream of molten decay and processed matter slammed like an Idris' beam weapon into the waiting abyss. Forty minutes I spent clinging to sanity like a newborn clutching a tit, near tears I could only see the glass of the mirror grow dark as pain clouded my vision.
That Spicy Shredded Beef was worth every minute of suffering. It will not be the last battle, but it will be remembered none the less for it.
