Please don't like my thread-campaign
- Thread starter Shive
- Start date
Oh he made it to the hospital? Good. He could barely walk when he left here last night.off-color Dad joke, anyone?
SoloFlyer
Grand Admiral
Barely walk? With that many horses I thought he had the trots.
ha ha, this thread derail has grown legs
Grown legs and continued to gallop for the gutter!
So, sorry for kneecapping the horse and sending it off to the glue factory, but I gotta vent a bit. Who knows, you might even learn somthing here (yeah right....lolz)
Yes it's a car related story, no horsin around here!
Warnung: lots of F words. Parental Advisory, 13+ No, seriously, I'm pissed off and my hand still hurts... no nudity though =(
TLDR.: car goes bang cos me goes Drift King in SUV, me mess around trying to fix, arm+hand messed up cos engine bay HOT+DARK +TIGHT+Slippery, sad ouch noises, friend comes!, more sad ouch noises, realize we dum dum, mostly-fixed, all is well. Except for hand. No twisting any sticks for now.
Yes it's a car related story, no horsin around here!
Warnung: lots of F words. Parental Advisory, 13+ No, seriously, I'm pissed off and my hand still hurts... no nudity though =(
Today I was a bit... how shall I put this... fucking stupid.
My mouse/joystick hand+lower arm is properly fuckered as a result.
I spent 1.5 hours trying to reattach the goddamned lower end of the boost air hose to the intercooler in the engine bay of my bimmer.
The following things are Not to be found anywhere near this hose/pipe/tube:
- space
- room to work with
- light
- easy to remove connections
- rounded off edges
- cold things
There are the following things in near vicinity of this hose:
- THE WHOLE FUCKING ENGINE that was just running 2 minutes ago after 40 minutes of driving the hills, and a full on pedal to the metal start from a stop light doing a left turn (with a little dab of oppo on exit for style points) and then doing some not entirely totally quiet legal speeds for a bit, so you can imagine things were tiny little itsy bitsy bit FUCKIN HOT!!
Its a 12 year old family SUV for gods sake ('09 E83 X3 30D 160kw/500Nm AT), with constant awd (40%front60%rear), it should be doing straight autobahn pulls at best trying to scare the hell out of the poor granny in her honda jazz in the inside lane doing 120kph instead of 140... Definitely Not meant for trying to apply for the hero car role in Tokyo Drift 2!
But no, I had to try and have fun and put it sideways at least a little bit like I do in winter... well, that worked surprisingly well considering it was 100% dry asphalt (all season tires helped), and it was All WORTH IT! (no, seriously, it was. I'm not joking, I live for this shit, it's hella fun! Also that straight six sounds awesome at full chat, even though it's just a diesel)
But now my arm is kinda full of lacerations and burns and I can barely use the mouse cos resting my wrist on the desk still hurts like hell, so yeah.. ymmv.
Aaaaanyways, when I was about to let go of the pedal some seconds later to reign it back to" even more legal" speeds, it shifted up one last time, and BANG! went the weasel.... (I know it should be Pop!, but compared to this, the Kentucky Ballistics 50bmg accident was a Pop... This was a level higher than that )
it was still going, no warning lights came on (strange), but it had absolutely no pull. Max rev was 2k and that's it, didn't matter how much I mashed the go pedal. I had a solid idea of what just happened as I had that hose changed about 3 months ago cos it was leaking boost, I suspected that they messed it up at the garage as they had to take it apart and put it back together 3 times, it was a messy day for them, but nope, they did it up correctly.
There was no power, and the worst thing is really that now the engine was breathing through a fist sized hole with no filtration whatsoever about 20cm off the ground... so yeah, not healthy. I pulled over at the nearest parking lot which was like 30 seconds away, opened the hood and checked the damage. Ofc, it was the lower end of the hose coming off the IC going up to the intake. It blew off so hard that it bent and ripped the plastic guard beneath it (see pic 1)
(that crack in the middle was not there before, neither was the oil stain, and it should be flat)
For the next 1.5 hours, I managed to unwedge the hose cos when it blew, it bent the rubber tubing part and wedged into a spot it shouldn't fit, and wiggle it back into the connector on the IC, and proceeded to try and cram it in hard enough for the latch to catch and keep it there (it's a pre-attached-metal-hose-end into plastic connector affair with a wire clip to hold it in place, see pic 2).
(photo taken from halfway into engine bay looking down , cars front is up. I know, you can't see shit, but you can see the green o rings on the metal tube, that should go "up" into the plastic bit there)
I saw the green o-rings around the metal tube part and accepted it as okay, I remembered that there was something green and o-ring looking on the part originally... so I didn't give it much thought.
But it just wouldn't clip into place. It kept coming out with the slightest of force, even though I put all mystrength weight into it (which didn't help much, considering I had to force it horizontally, not vertically, but details...)
So you thought this was the stupid part so far?... oh no no no no no, it's just about to be revealed!
Earlier when I parked and knowing what was wrong I immediately called my good friend who has a 30d bimmer also and knows how to Wrench Every Day (cos he is too cheap to take it in for service). He finally showed up, came to the same conclusion as I did after trying to force the damn thing into place, and for another 20 minutes we stood there considering our options of driving home N/A now that it was mostly safe from sucking in rocks, leaving it there and coming back with tools to unbolt the skid tray for access from below, or...
Meanwhile, he looked up on his phone how the metal tube part looks like when new.
Yes, OFC it was the fucking green o-rings!
Which is actually a single piece o ring just ribbed (for her pleasure) so it looks like two rings when squashed up, that should sit on the End of the metal tube INSIDE the plastic connection, Not on the Shoulder of the connector wedged against the plastic!!!
3 Fucking MILIMETERS! That's the width of the o ring I was trying to squash down to zero mm-s for the last 2 hours, and that's what prevented the clip to fully catch and secure the pipe in place! It took about a minute to move the ring back to it's groove and another 2 minutes to force the connection into place (slightly crooked). In the end, after 2.5 hours of getting burned, bruised, scratched and squashed busting up my whole right arm, it was finally ready to take me home.
It made the 3 minute (10 by tram or bus, all available 1 minutes of walk away as I stopped in the Park-n-Ride of the station) journey without any issues, even though there were some quiet steep uphill bits!
Moral of the story?Do drive like a maniac cos it's fun, just don't be an idiot and wait for the car to cool down when you eventually blow it up, before trying to work on it.
More brains, less brawn! And more beer (not while driving). I forgot to drink beer afterwards to celebrate out victory over the machine. Dammit.
Something something oil your balls, or don't, you choice. Thanks for reading!
Oh, and almost forgot to mention, the cause of all this? It wasn't my driving. It was simply that the clamp was worn out with age and changing the pipe loosened it up even more. I was lucky it happened when it did, and not 20 minutes before that when I was considering overtaking the city bus on the narrow hill road with short straights and blind corners... That clamp would have let go at a random moment anyways, whenever me or the mrs. gave a stab to the speed pedal, so it could've been a very different experience if it happened at a critical moment.
So the real moral of the story is, Italian tune-up is a thing for a reason!
If you drive a car that is getting long in the tooth, consider giving it some rough treatment sometimes when it seems mostly safe to do so, just to see if anything BANG!!s up... so it doesn't happen when it actually matters.
Also, it might sooth your soul a bit.
My mouse/joystick hand+lower arm is properly fuckered as a result.
I spent 1.5 hours trying to reattach the goddamned lower end of the boost air hose to the intercooler in the engine bay of my bimmer.
The following things are Not to be found anywhere near this hose/pipe/tube:
- space
- room to work with
- light
- easy to remove connections
- rounded off edges
- cold things
There are the following things in near vicinity of this hose:
- THE WHOLE FUCKING ENGINE that was just running 2 minutes ago after 40 minutes of driving the hills, and a full on pedal to the metal start from a stop light doing a left turn (with a little dab of oppo on exit for style points) and then doing some not entirely totally quiet legal speeds for a bit, so you can imagine things were tiny little itsy bitsy bit FUCKIN HOT!!
Its a 12 year old family SUV for gods sake ('09 E83 X3 30D 160kw/500Nm AT), with constant awd (40%front60%rear), it should be doing straight autobahn pulls at best trying to scare the hell out of the poor granny in her honda jazz in the inside lane doing 120kph instead of 140... Definitely Not meant for trying to apply for the hero car role in Tokyo Drift 2!
But no, I had to try and have fun and put it sideways at least a little bit like I do in winter... well, that worked surprisingly well considering it was 100% dry asphalt (all season tires helped), and it was All WORTH IT! (no, seriously, it was. I'm not joking, I live for this shit, it's hella fun! Also that straight six sounds awesome at full chat, even though it's just a diesel)
But now my arm is kinda full of lacerations and burns and I can barely use the mouse cos resting my wrist on the desk still hurts like hell, so yeah.. ymmv.
Aaaaanyways, when I was about to let go of the pedal some seconds later to reign it back to" even more legal" speeds, it shifted up one last time, and BANG! went the weasel.... (I know it should be Pop!, but compared to this, the Kentucky Ballistics 50bmg accident was a Pop... This was a level higher than that )
it was still going, no warning lights came on (strange), but it had absolutely no pull. Max rev was 2k and that's it, didn't matter how much I mashed the go pedal. I had a solid idea of what just happened as I had that hose changed about 3 months ago cos it was leaking boost, I suspected that they messed it up at the garage as they had to take it apart and put it back together 3 times, it was a messy day for them, but nope, they did it up correctly.
There was no power, and the worst thing is really that now the engine was breathing through a fist sized hole with no filtration whatsoever about 20cm off the ground... so yeah, not healthy. I pulled over at the nearest parking lot which was like 30 seconds away, opened the hood and checked the damage. Ofc, it was the lower end of the hose coming off the IC going up to the intake. It blew off so hard that it bent and ripped the plastic guard beneath it (see pic 1)
(that crack in the middle was not there before, neither was the oil stain, and it should be flat)
For the next 1.5 hours, I managed to unwedge the hose cos when it blew, it bent the rubber tubing part and wedged into a spot it shouldn't fit, and wiggle it back into the connector on the IC, and proceeded to try and cram it in hard enough for the latch to catch and keep it there (it's a pre-attached-metal-hose-end into plastic connector affair with a wire clip to hold it in place, see pic 2).
(photo taken from halfway into engine bay looking down , cars front is up. I know, you can't see shit, but you can see the green o rings on the metal tube, that should go "up" into the plastic bit there)
I saw the green o-rings around the metal tube part and accepted it as okay, I remembered that there was something green and o-ring looking on the part originally... so I didn't give it much thought.
But it just wouldn't clip into place. It kept coming out with the slightest of force, even though I put all my
So you thought this was the stupid part so far?... oh no no no no no, it's just about to be revealed!
Earlier when I parked and knowing what was wrong I immediately called my good friend who has a 30d bimmer also and knows how to Wrench Every Day (cos he is too cheap to take it in for service). He finally showed up, came to the same conclusion as I did after trying to force the damn thing into place, and for another 20 minutes we stood there considering our options of driving home N/A now that it was mostly safe from sucking in rocks, leaving it there and coming back with tools to unbolt the skid tray for access from below, or...
Meanwhile, he looked up on his phone how the metal tube part looks like when new.
Yes, OFC it was the fucking green o-rings!
Which is actually a single piece o ring just ribbed (for her pleasure) so it looks like two rings when squashed up, that should sit on the End of the metal tube INSIDE the plastic connection, Not on the Shoulder of the connector wedged against the plastic!!!
3 Fucking MILIMETERS! That's the width of the o ring I was trying to squash down to zero mm-s for the last 2 hours, and that's what prevented the clip to fully catch and secure the pipe in place! It took about a minute to move the ring back to it's groove and another 2 minutes to force the connection into place (slightly crooked). In the end, after 2.5 hours of getting burned, bruised, scratched and squashed busting up my whole right arm, it was finally ready to take me home.
It made the 3 minute (10 by tram or bus, all available 1 minutes of walk away as I stopped in the Park-n-Ride of the station) journey without any issues, even though there were some quiet steep uphill bits!
Moral of the story?
More brains, less brawn! And more beer (not while driving). I forgot to drink beer afterwards to celebrate out victory over the machine. Dammit.
Something something oil your balls, or don't, you choice. Thanks for reading!
Oh, and almost forgot to mention, the cause of all this? It wasn't my driving. It was simply that the clamp was worn out with age and changing the pipe loosened it up even more. I was lucky it happened when it did, and not 20 minutes before that when I was considering overtaking the city bus on the narrow hill road with short straights and blind corners... That clamp would have let go at a random moment anyways, whenever me or the mrs. gave a stab to the speed pedal, so it could've been a very different experience if it happened at a critical moment.
So the real moral of the story is, Italian tune-up is a thing for a reason!
If you drive a car that is getting long in the tooth, consider giving it some rough treatment sometimes when it seems mostly safe to do so, just to see if anything BANG!!s up... so it doesn't happen when it actually matters.
Also, it might sooth your soul a bit.
TLDR.: car goes bang cos me goes Drift King in SUV, me mess around trying to fix, arm+hand messed up cos engine bay HOT+DARK +TIGHT+Slippery, sad ouch noises, friend comes!, more sad ouch noises, realize we dum dum, mostly-fixed, all is well. Except for hand. No twisting any sticks for now.
I'm not a car guy, but damn, that story made me want to stand around back of the garage going "mmyup"
You tell the story well!
One of my kids was in NASCAR for years and has a few similar stories to tell, and also some spectacular accidents (both on and off the track). One of the most spectacular incidents was when he got sandwiched between two inexperienced drivers during an Enduro race. The cars in these races were basically junk cars that are fixed to operating condition, except the driver's seat has been replaced with a safety seat.
One came in from the left, the other from the right a bit behind... my son's car basically folded, then launched itself in the air spinning toward the left. The car on the right rolled over onto it's right side. The car on the left spun on the pavement and was struck in it's midsection by a fourth car directly behind. The 4th car caught fire and ultimately exploded but it took a few moments. My son's car landed just ahead of all this - and actually looked like it could continue the race for a bit, until it too started smoking. Turned out it was leaking radiator flued into the gas, and the drive train wasn't making a lot of contact with the rear wheels.
That was not the first or last time that he caused my heart to suddenly migrate up somewhere in my throat, but that was definitely the highest it got.
Total damage: all 4 cars were totaled, nobody got hurt except for sprains trying to get away from the burning car.
One came in from the left, the other from the right a bit behind... my son's car basically folded, then launched itself in the air spinning toward the left. The car on the right rolled over onto it's right side. The car on the left spun on the pavement and was struck in it's midsection by a fourth car directly behind. The 4th car caught fire and ultimately exploded but it took a few moments. My son's car landed just ahead of all this - and actually looked like it could continue the race for a bit, until it too started smoking. Turned out it was leaking radiator flued into the gas, and the drive train wasn't making a lot of contact with the rear wheels.
That was not the first or last time that he caused my heart to suddenly migrate up somewhere in my throat, but that was definitely the highest it got.
Total damage: all 4 cars were totaled, nobody got hurt except for sprains trying to get away from the burning car.
Best non liked thread going."Honestly I don't like it" 
I read the account and had to consult my Inner Mrs 'BobFace Voice (that voice of your better half that says "No" when you see a new SC concept ship is available):
Me: Oh no! Erm... what mean...?
Internal Mrs 'BobFace Voice: Car go "bam".
Me: Boom?
IMBFV: Only "bam".
Me: Whole car?
IMBFV: Brum bit. Nose pipe popped off had to push back on but naughty rubber band made it hard because it took a little walk somewhere weird.
Me: That's bad, but good not Boom.
IMBFV: But arm go "ouch".
Me: "Ouch" with a big permanent "O"?
IMBFV: Short term little "o". Hotty pointy ouch times lives in Brum bit.
Me: "ouch". Good news not Big O.
IMBFV: No able to play Space Game for maybe one week.
Me: Ooof, proper "ouch". Lesson for me?
IMBFV: Green rubber bands are naughty when they don't want to live where they look like they should but don't. Brum bit hot when brum for a while. Driving can be fun if no bam or boom, but cars complex with hot and pointy parts inside the brum bit.
Me: Okay.
IMBFV: And take your car to have that break pipe looked at. And buy more tyres.
Me: What about the airfresher?
IMBFV: That too.
Me: WD-40 good smell yum?
IMBF: Pretend tree good smell yum. And wash car too.
Me: Wait what we wash cars now? But why when rain wash car?
IMBFV: Rain doesn't wash car, rain contains dirt.
Me: RAIN CONTAIN DIRT!?
And that's how I learned that rain is dirty.
Does remind me of a time I was driving east in Nevada through a thunderstorm that ended up depositing a lot alkaline desert dust in the water on my car turning it a off white from its normal black paint.
Brah!! You psychic or whadda heck lol?
The whole story actually happened while I was making a little detour to find a car wash, cos rain is dirty! while a thunderstorm was about a mile away, clearly visible and audible lol.. That's the reason I was at the stop light, cos I was coming out from the petrol.station where I just found out that the wash was being rebuilt...
@Vavrik holy crap, even just reading that sounds scary as hell! Wow!. You are one tough family that's for sure! I'm Glad they all made it out okay!
Must've been a good show for the spectators, with all the rolls and fireballs!
I don't know what happened to my two oldest kids... they both had way more what we used to call "piss and vinegar" than I remember having when I was growing up. Well that might not be totally true, but it was a hell of a good experience for me to raise those boys. They were just really hard on my wallet.
SoloFlyer
Grand Admiral
Well that's just unfair.Don't open at work
Good thing I work from home lulz... oh... nvmDon't open at work
SoloFlyer
Grand Admiral
Listen, I tried to warn you guys...
Ya well, i'll take my hits for it was well played.
Does make you wonder how it really would go down.