I'd like to write, but am not actually an good at it. I have a letter from the government and everything, so at least I have an excuse.
Well, i'd like to see:
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Cocktail recipes in the lifestyle section, including which systems i am most likely to get rarer ingredients, Terra for sweetened Mace Sap, Earth for bath-tub brewed vodka, that kind of thing.
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Which systems would be good to holiday in, a travel section. Of course, T3 would have to do its bit for places without much tourism so dressing up crap systems like the verge-of-supernova Tyrol as "Adventurous" instead of "Ticking time bomb" and Vanduul controlled Orion as "Exciting" instead of "Guaranteed death zone". Just keep your windows wound up, you'll be fine.
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Tips on how to stave off CABIN FEVER. I can see CABIN FEVER being an issue in a tiny Aurora cockpit long-hauling from system to system, it does not even have a TV. Mr Flibbington, an invisible monster who lives under the bed in my Aurora... What's that Mr Flibbington? He says he objects to being called a Monster, he prefers the term 'Psychotic episode'... says he'd also like a section on common space mental ailments, their causes, and how to prolong them for the benefit of invisible 'psychotic episodes' everywhere.
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An artistic critique of the latest SoTS with an out-of-10 rating for vital measures like "Usefullness" and "Amount of nipples" and in-depth analysis of camera angles and choice of jokes and their crudeness levels. Also a brief critique of the State Of The Night Crew, this can be made up of three or less words "It Was Ok", "That Was Loud", "Strangely Arousing", that kind of thing.
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Trading section including tips on dependable/profitable trade routes. Bear in mind other orgs may read T3 to get an advantage so these can include a few red herrings like trading water would be a good idea (this is Test, who is going to trade water when the Beerfarer has just become Hangar Ready.)
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The 'Verse's Most Wanted, the 10 most lucrative Bounty Heads on offer at time of going to press and which Orgs are currently trying to kill us, where they usually operate so we know what to look out for/where not to go for peeps to be pew pew pew at us.
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The Funny Pages, probably just full of Memes and cartoons made on MS Paint.
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Lonely hearts column, where we can take public submissions from the TEST members.
Here's my one to start with:
"Male, middle-aged still with own hair, seeks female significant other for romantic summer time strolls in the park, sun-set picnics on exotic planets, racy acrobatic encounters in zero G, and to stage my own death for insurance money. Must have ship with LTI."
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A spot-the-ball type competition where we screenshot a Vanduul Swarm run, Photoshop out the Vanduul ship out and invite the readers to guess where the ship was, based on what the rest of the stuff in the screenshot is doing. So, for instance, if there is a missile zipping across like a silver arrow of death, of course the 'Duul will be on the other side of the screen in total safety.
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Agony Aunt/Uncle. Loopy advice for demented Star Citizen based issues like the following:
"Dear Uncle Bob Face.
Please help, whenever I meet a Tevarin I just get the biggest pangs of guilt imaginable. I look in to their sad, broken eyes and know that my species are responsible for the decline of another sentient race, and they are probably all going to die out soon. I always feel like saying something but when I try no words come out... What can I do? Signed Citizen 78430235"
"Dear Citizen 78430235,
When meeting a Tevarin its important to remember that neither you or the Tevarin are responsible or have any control for the past actions of your forefathers. We were at war, his ancestor wanted our systems, we wanted their home planet. Maybe if history had been different the Tevarin would be looking at you the same way? How would you feel if a Tevarin came up to you and apologised for all the humans killed in the conflict? A little awkward, eh? So don't be a Tevarin War apologist or dirty Tevarin Sympathiser. They rolled the dice and it came up snakeyes for them. Boo hoo hoo.
Also and i think this is a very important point to remember that may just help you get over the guilt you have for the Tevarin - It's only a game. You are a player and the Tevarin are the figment of the imagination of a guy who was born in Redwood City California in 1968. The year is 2016, we are not 1000 years in the future, the Tevarin, no matter how sad their back story is, do not actually exist. Using the perspective of things that exist verses things that do not exist, I think this is what may help you get over that obsessive guilt complex. Try to concentrate on other things like paying the electricity bill."
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I would like to see the above. I now feel like that guy who ran the Daily Planet. "PARKER! Get me pictures of Spider-man! I'm not selling enough copies! PARKER!"
