Chris Roberts is love. Chris Roberts is Life.

stefmor90

Vice Admiral
Mar 10, 2014
94
69
530
RSI Handle
Valihanth

>be me

>be 17

>watching Wing Commander for the first time in a long time

>little brother starts watching it too

>little brother says "its awesome"

>even though its halfway through

>parents come in the room

>they turn off the tv while we were watching Wing Commander

>I get mad

>I yell at my parents

>little brother joins in too

>Parents say "we're both grounded"

>They send us to our room

>before we're halfway up the stairs

>there was a big boom

>Chris, fully aroused and naked, come barging to the door

>The whole room fills with the aroma of beer

>Chris sees my parents still yelling at us

>Chris turns on the t.v, seeing Wing Commander was on

>OVER MY NEXT STARSHEP

>Chris rips my dad's head off

>mom gives out a blood curdling scream

>mom runs to the phone

>Chris does a major jump, with a back flip, and lands in front of my mom before she picks up the phone

>Chris, then, shoves a GTX 780 down her throat, then shoving his Lamp in there so the vidoe card could go down easily

>mom dies, after choking on an GTX 790 and Chris's Lamp

>Chris looks at us

>"taek ur walets out"

>Me and my brother takes out the walets

>we're just standing there, stunned

>Chris yells "GET UR ARSES DOWN 'ERE"

>We do

>Chris tells us to bend over

>we bend over

>Chris puts his big, meaty, pledges in our walets

>Chris the debt was excrutiating, but it was pleasurable

>Chris gives out a mighty roar, giving out a discount

>Sure, it was expensive, but the idris was something to remember

>He goes to my brother, who does the same thing as I did

>Chris orders us to suck on his Caterpillar

>We do

>Chris orders us to buy a multi ship package

>We had to, since we both shared a love for Chris, even though my brother started loving chris just today

>Chris tells me to get my brothers card

>so he depletes my brothers card, but my brother enjoyed the debt

>It was like $2,00,000, except my brother was enjoying my sight inside his brand new bengal

>Chris ejaculates money on our backs, its green slime was warm

>so warm that I bougt a bangel as the slime tingled my backs

>me and my brother get broke

>the room was covered with the aroma of mony, combined with alcohol

>we all are lying in a pool of blood, bad credit scores, jizz, slime, and beer

>Chris gets up and leaves

>before he leaves he whispers

>"It aint over until it's 2016"

>Me and my brother will never feel the same feeling like that ever again

>Chris is Love

>Chris Is Life
 
Last edited:

BluChew

Captain
Jan 25, 2014
420
184
270
RSI Handle
OGKush
How is your relationship with your parents? Think we need major psychoanalysis... We're all friends here! Do you have vivid dreams through out the day or see things that others may not?
 

Prothean

Lieutenant
Apr 24, 2014
88
22
95
RSI Handle
Prothean051
>Be me

>Two weeks later

>Parents corpses rotted, smells like shit

>Knocking at door, oh shit, popo

>Ask if they can come in

>Brother says we're in the fucking shower

>Cop busts window, opens door. Smells bodies, oh shit, we're busted

>But wait, there's more. Our life-size UEE Marine armor (included with the Winglancer MLG Ultra pledge, just 2.5mil) comes to life

>It grabs the cop, throws him through fucking wall

>More blood everywhere, tastes like pork

>Suit looks at us, raises visor

>CR is back

>We assume position

>He says there's no need for that today

>Gives us towels

>We thank profusely, beg to see the Connie redesign

>"If you insist"

>Rips off pants, just destroyed our 1 mil suit

>In place of a dick is a Bengal

>like 20 fucking inches

>Connie flies out

>Six more engine, entirely glass

>Hail Roberts

>The Bengal begins to spew its green spewage at us

>Hornets everywhere, flying down our throats

>We eagerly swallow them

>He pulls out a mobiglas

>Pulls up Wing Commander

>We are beginning to enter a coma due to there being nothing that can surpass this experience

>Halfway through, start screen appears

>It is the DFM

>We jizz immediately

>Roberts jizzes with us

>More cops come

>Roberts back flips behind them, grabs two R295x2s as nunchuks

>Check our credit cards, he charged them to us

>it's okay

>Cops are annihilated

>Chris plugs the cards into our rigs

>Blood short circuits it immediately, just blew our PSU and Mobo

>Chris cleans PCs with towels, immediately they boot again

>DFM already installed

>He says no need to thank him, he already bought us the new multiship package with our cards

>Chris is love

>Chris is life
 

BluChew

Captain
Jan 25, 2014
420
184
270
RSI Handle
OGKush
>Be me

>Two weeks later

>Parents corpses rotted, smells like shit

>Knocking at door, oh shit, popo

>Ask if they can come in

>Brother says we're in the fucking shower

>Cop busts window, opens door. Smells bodies, oh shit, we're busted

>But wait, there's more. Our life-size UEE Marine armor (included with the Winglancer MLG Ultra pledge, just 2.5mil) comes to life

>It grabs the cop, throws him through fucking wall

>More blood everywhere, tastes like pork

>Suit looks at us, raises visor

>CR is back

>We assume position

>He says there's no need for that today

>Gives us towels

>We thank profusely, beg to see the Connie redesign

>"If you insist"

>Rips off pants, just destroyed our 1 mil suit

>In place of a dick is a Bengal

>like 20 fucking inches

>Connie flies out

>Six more engine, entirely glass

>Hail Roberts

>The Bengal begins to spew its green spewage at us

>Hornets everywhere, flying down our throats

>We eagerly swallow them

>He pulls out a mobiglas

>Pulls up Wing Commander

>We are beginning to enter a coma due to there being nothing that can surpass this experience

>Halfway through, start screen appears

>It is the DFM

>We jizz immediately

>Roberts jizzes with us

>More cops come

>Roberts back flips behind them, grabs two R295x2s as nunchuks

>Check our credit cards, he charged them to us

>it's okay

>Cops are annihilated

>Chris plugs the cards into our rigs

>Blood short circuits it immediately, just blew our PSU and Mobo

>Chris cleans PCs with towels, immediately they boot again

>DFM already installed

>He says no need to thank him, he already bought us the new multiship package with our cards

>Chris is love

>Chris is life
... FUCKING EPICCCCCCCC!!! However, please expand on "taste like pork".
 

Roelosaurus

Grand Admiral
Mar 22, 2014
19
10
1,195
RSI Handle
Roelosaurus
4chan called, it wants its "2edgy4you" back.
 
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