Stop Posting Your RP Backstory [gas]

Han Burgundy

Space Marshal
Jan 15, 2016
2,225
9,743
2,900
RSI Handle
Han-Burgundy
Don’t you DARE call me a trust-fund baby. I fought and bled for my Citizenship just like everyone else. In fact, I’d say I went further than most. And I have the Vanduul knife, which the surgeons removed from my gut, hanging in my cockpit to prove it. It’s not my fault that my dad worked hard enough in the private sector after his own military service to leave behind a constellation for his only living son. I would trade that bucket of mismatched parts and half-assed repairs to have my old man back without a second’s hesitation. Don’t take that as a lack of appreciation for the inheritance though. This ship has served me well, just as it served my father. I just use it in a different capacity than my old man did. He was a trader and had a real knack for it. He could sell war bonds to the Vanduul. I, on the other hand, was gifted with a more destructive skillset. I’m sure he would be rolling in his grave if he knew that I filled his beloved cargo hold with missile racks. He would always find a way jam something sellable into every single nook and cranny of that bucket. I even spent a couple weeks as a kid sharing my bunk with a crate of cooling rods. But hey; the man did what he had to with each run just to keep the damn thing out in the black. That lifestyle was kosher and an honest living, and I continue to do much the same thing. I just deal in a different commodity; Death.

Sure, I’ll do the occasional passenger transport or special delivery if I’m already headed in the right direction, but that’s not where the bulk of my credits come from. I make my cash the hard way. I’m paid to put my life on the line to eliminate pirates and thieves for those who can’t defend themselves. The arrangement works out nicely because I am also able to help myself to any scrap I create along the way. Hell, the main issue I have is with the damn bounty hunters guild. I don’t know how many times I have to explain to them that I’m not going after any of their precious bounties. If some scumbag attacks me, you can be sure as shit that I’ll smoke that som’bitch; Bounty or not. As a matter of fact I’m laying low near Olisar right now because of that very issue. I recently vaped a pirate while on a protection detail that apparently had a sizeable bounty on his head. I scrapped his ship as I normally do and salvaged his flight computer. When I got back to port, I was accosted by some guild dickface that wanted the flight computer so he could turn it in and claim the bounty. I offered him a fair price for it, but he insisted that it was guild property. What kind of bullshit is that? Long story short; He decided that he was going to take it off my hands for free and I decided his head needed a new hole in it. So, of course, the bounty hunter’s buddies refused to believe that their deceased comrade was in the wrong and they ran me out of the system. I crippled a couple of their ships on the way out, so it’s safe to say I won’t be going back there any time soon. Whatever. Comes with the job. There’s no shortage of trade routes in the cosmos that are being harassed by the scum and villainy this universe has to offer.

My life has afforded me the skills required to dive balls-first into any combat situation (so far) and live to brag about it at the bar afterwards. If you ask me, facing death on a regular basis is the best way to ensure that you’re actually living your life. I don’t know about you, but to me; Getting laid after a deadly encounter is the most satisfying goddamn thing in the universe. A lot of people don’t like to think about their mortality, but I embrace my own. What’s the use of playing it safe and living to 300 if you don’t get to have any friggin’ fun along the way? That’s just my take on this crazy and terrifying thing we call life. Stay safe out there (But not so safe that you get bored)

See you ‘round the Verse,
Han Burgundy
 

GrammarGestapo

Pro Chat Necromancer
Jun 8, 2014
814
761
2,370
RSI Handle
TheGrammarpolice
why are people necroing this thread again XD this was a joke tooterfish made a long time ago, when RSI chat was a thing. Your REAL RP backstories are supposed to be put in the Artemis division "officer records" section.
 
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Han Burgundy

Space Marshal
Jan 15, 2016
2,225
9,743
2,900
RSI Handle
Han-Burgundy
why are people necroing this thread again XD this was a joke tooterfish made a long time ago, when RSI chat was a thing. Your REAL RP backstories are supposed to be put in the Artemis division "officer records" section.
We can do what we want. We're [CERTIFIED] to do so. Carry on.
 

Han Burgundy

Space Marshal
Jan 15, 2016
2,225
9,743
2,900
RSI Handle
Han-Burgundy
Do you need one? you know, there is nothing you can't find in the internet...
Pfffshhh why BUY it? Just start peeing on things in the mall until an officer shows up. From there it should be a simple matter of subduing the police officer and confiscating their gear. (In the US: try really hard to not be black or mexican while attempting this, as you will be shot at much sooner than your melanin deficient comrades.)
 

PontifusRex

Lieutenant
Sep 6, 2016
7
13
75
RSI Handle
Pontifus_Rex
Living on mostly rats and squatting in a hanger in a rundown spaceport, Jack Rivers life was near its end. Looking into the bottom of an empty bottle, he cried a tear as he realized he had just finished his only friend. It was then that his mind was opened, he was no longer weak and pitiful Jack, he now knew his true self! He was Pontifus Rex, and he knew what he had to do.

He had a mission and that was to declare the TRUTH amongst the UEE! He excitedly began planning his escape from the backwater planet that was his home.A couple hours later as the high wore off, a voice in his head reasoned that he had likely ingested some powerful hallucinogens during his last meal that he found behind the animal experimentation center, but no! Doubt would no longer hold him back! Pontifus Rex has been born and must go forth!
 
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