When my kid is awake, I'm the families property. When they go for a nap, I can then have a few minutes on a game - I'm currently leveling up a bunch on Pokemon in White 2 to level 100 on a DS. Having a handheld console and casual games means when kiddy gets up I can save and put the game down immediately.
As for SC, once bed time comes for baby I then have the time for some decent sessions. In the early days I could get up a few hours early and play in the mornings too but it depends on babys schedule mine doesn't allow for that any more as they awake between 4am and 6am every day.
Don't forget your partner will need your support too, you may not realize it, they may seem on top of things but they may not be coping keep in communication with them. The best phrase I have at the moment is "how can I help?" because they may not want to ask for assistance. When baby is in bed and you want to play, ask if there is anything you can do to help first. They may want you to enjoy yourself but they may also be on the verge of a mental breakdown too, make it clear to them that you don't mind helping out over playing a computer game and that baby and family is your priority and they should not feel like they are keeping you from playing when there is stuff to be done.
Otherwise, my best piece of advice is dive in with the nappies earliest opportunity you get. You'll have to do them anyway eventually and if you can get over the gag reflex and screaming when you get poo on your hands early on it'll make you a stronger person for your family in the long run.
Be a parent first. Believe it or not, a lot of your future relationship with your kids starts right now. give them all the time you absolutely can.
and I am going to echo NNBF, now is the time to assist your partner. They are going to be just as overwhelmed as you are, if not more so. Asking how can I help is a great start. Knowing what to do to help is even better, cook dinner, take the trash out, do the dishes. Clean the bathrooms, run a load of laundry, etc.
right now, any game that you can’t put down immediately is probably out. Eventually, your child(ren) will grow older and you can start gaming with them. It can be a great hobby you can share, just don’t neglect your partner when that starts happening...he/she will want to have some fun time too and it can put stress in the relationship and can feel like they are the only adult in the room when gaming is going on,,.
I concur with the other dads here. As a new dad you will need to help with midnight bottles, diapers, baths, development exercises (belly time on the rug type stuff), and going to the park. You're gaming time will take a hit but as a parent of a Twin boy and girl I can say its totally worth it. You'll find a new normal between work, dad time, lack of sleep, and maybe a little game time, but then they go to pre-k, then kindergarten, then (hopefully in 5 years) all day school again and you will of only blinked saying "When the hell did they grow up so damn fast!?"
Once their old enough to play a video game (like 2nd or 3rd grade) then you get to play with them on the kiddie games, but watch out, that Animal Crossing game for switch is a gateway drug for us old folks, it sucks you in and that damn Tom Nook keeps me on leash just slowly dealin out his endorphin rewarding accomplishments . . . ANYWAYS, I recomend taking a look at one of my family friendly streamers on twitch named Bognogus. He has a good balance between being a dad and a gamer and even involving his kid now and then. Good luck, its like riding a roller coaster. Lots of ups and downs with thrills and scary moments, but then its over before you know it and you'll be like "Damn that went by quick."
First congratulations. My wife is also pregnant. I know of some good examples. My brother has two children and I have seen them growing up. The first years are hard, beeing a parent is a 24/7h Job. The best thing you can do is to share the burden and ultimatly the joy. I know many people still have this old view of man can't take care of small children but if you and your wife want to you can do a lot. In this day and age you can do everything what your wife can do with some preparations. There are breast pump so you can feed your kid even if your wife is away.
Your marriage and family life will thank you if you can relive some time from your wife. What is also important talk with your wife finde ways to enable you to play. One of the most important things in marriages talking and cumunicating about your needs, and in so you should consider her needs too! If you share the burden and talk with your wife you won't get in arguments because of gaming.
A friend of mine which whom i play SC became father two months ago. He takes care of their daughter too feeding, cleaning careing. Often he is by her side while playing SC, while his wife is taking a break or doing her stuff. It can definitly work to keep on playing. Look almost all dads have hobbies and they finde time and passion to keep doing them, gaming is no diffrent.
Yes your gaming time will take a big hit and you will mostly play at night or when your child sleeps but your won't miss it, because of you will be absorbed in beeing a father. I can only say it once more talk to your wife about your and her needs and find ways to make them happen this is not only to gaming but to all other things. And one of the best advices I have ever become was compromise are time limited. If it does not work try to find another way and talk it through.
Kids and a gamer dad... Man, you're in for a ride! Well, in fact no. As others wisely said, you're a parent now, over anything else. Your partner and kid will need all of your attention. It may seems like something obvious, but it's easy to fall in the "just a few minutes more" trap and neglect your duties.
Newborns are like tutorial levels for a new parent. There are tons of things to learn and pay attention. Treasure your sleep hours, you may have fewer than you think (and wish). Once they are asleep or napping, have some quality time with your partner. You'll have less and less of that as the kid grows.
A few years later you'll have the time of your life. Toddlers may be a nightmare sometimes, but this is the best period before they start answering back and asking for the car keys. You can even play with them on your lap. I played a lot of Minecraft back in the days witn mine. Just remember to toggle off the scary mobs with some mobs or you may have a surprise.
All in all, try to stick to "slow" games, turn based mostly, or ones that can be paused and resumed quickly.
I'm a "recent" gamer dad myself. My boy is 16 months old and changed all my bad habits for sure ;) But i still find some time to game here and there, but definitly not like before.
The thing is that you need to find a balance between your free time and your lady's free time, because you both share the hard work.
And you will soon realize that you can not be a hard core gamer anymore, otherwise one of the 3 will happen : you will spend less time with your kid and those are awesome time, or less time with your wife and this can only mean bad things for the future, or you will exhaust yourself when you finally have some free time if you take it on your sleeping time ;)
Yes your gaming time will take a big hit and you will mostly play at night or when your child sleeps but your won't miss it, because of you will be absorbed in beeing a father. I can only say it once more talk to your wife about your and her needs and find ways to make them happen this is not only to gaming but to all other things. And one of the best advices I have ever become was compromise are time limited. If it does not work try to find another way and talk it through.
As r3dm00ne said, this is probably the only thing to do if you want to be a gamer still.
Here i can generally game for 2-3 hours max a week, when the day is over and my wife is resting doing the things she likes. And when i'm available i reserve my saturday evening for Star Citizen.
There is not much I would add beyond the excellent advice provided by the other dads here. What's important changes now.. and they need you.
Gaming in general was a joy (among MANY) that I was privileged to share with my kids as they grew up. From getting smoked at Snake's 'n Ladders to co-op sessions in Baldurs Gate; tabletop RPG's to the Society for Creative Anachronism.
Today it is still the method where I connect most often with my son. Any MMO we get into there is a family corp, org, guild, whatever for a number of us to play together. Three years ago my daughters Christmas present was a gaming laptop.. she was in Uni but wanted something with some power to it. (No, @O-Lefty, she's still not playing SC. Busy building me another grandson) This Christmas my son conspired (and dug around hard!) with me to build a gaming system for his lady.
It's one way of building the connection and communication. There are other pursuits that can provide the same thing.. the key point is spending the time with them. You never get the moments back.
Part of my job as org leader, is to test out things and report back to the org.
This Fatherhood thing... I tested it out 8yrs go, and got a DLC 6yrs ago.
Not much to worry about at first, just some sleepless nights, but once those little humans start crawling around, you need to protect your area with barriers!
Build defensive perimeters around your PC now!
Its like a game of Castle Defense! They will constantly probe for weakness and attack any wiring and expensive peripherals you may have lying around!
Just wait... you'll know what I mean in a year if it hasn't started already. It's worse than a CPU crash, and you'll know what I mean when it happens. If you had boys, you'd have a little more time... but they are also bigger and stronger when it happens.
That doesn't necessarily end with the end of their childhood. Keep tabs on anything that can be removed from your computer until they are at least in College. especially anything attached to a USB port.
Just wait... you'll know what I mean in a year if it hasn't started already. It's worse than a CPU crash, and you'll know what I mean when it happens. If you had boys, you'd have a little more time... but they are also bigger and stronger when it happens.
That doesn't necessarily end with the end of their childhood. Keep tabs on anything that can be removed from your computer until they are at least in College. especially anything attached to a USB port.
LOL. It's OK, if he's a good dad, it won't be directed at him so much as Mom. But when it's over, which looks like it'll be a few years yet... he'll be their hero for the rest of their lives. And Mom will become their best friend.
Basically what everyone already said.
You're fucked mate! hahaha
Well, actually, no. It will be fine, it will just take some time to get back to a "normal". The best way to look at gaming from this point on, is that "eeeh feck it, it's just a hobby, I can do it later..."
Be there for the kid first, your games will be fine. Your games will be there an hour/day/month/year later to pick up where you left off, you can safely ignore them for the time being. And don't worry, you won't miss the launch of SC or SQ42 either lol
Be there for your partner, of course! They will need help... BUT don't be surprised if they want to be left alone as well. Having "me time" is though so they may not want you there always being all busy and buzzing. Use this time to do stuff that was left undone and might not seem that important, or just sit in the corner and plan for next year's jpeg ship sale.
Just try to be proactive as much as you can with the little energy you will have left lol
In the first couple of days, everything felt batshit crazy, but it soon settled into a rhythm. If you have seen the first BSG episode called 33, it was like that. On the clock, always. 24/7. Kid had an internal clock that would put a Rolex to shame. But don't worry, you will find the ways to cut time in prepping for when the kid is awake, and it will become routine.
Best advice I can give for these early days, determine the tasks, make a up a list like quest objectives, divvy up the tasks and pick up/switch the ones where the other is lacking in performance, or just dislikes doing it, until it works. If you can get this working like a well oiled machine, you will soon have free time to use for rest and relaxation. It sounds like a bunch of bullshit but it isn't and it can be done if both of you can apply the right mindset to it. Here it is important to note, that this ain't a solo run. You will need to work together, and communicate everything, while trying to stay civil. It is important not to go berserk, and not to panic. If shit literally hits the fan cos a diaper change was missed, so what? That's what the washing machine is for. If one feeding is not prepped in time? So what? No one is going to die from famine if the feed is 5 minutes late... You might need some earplugs though. My point is, try to stay calm, and take things one step at a time, but try to stop stressing out on every little detail. But do stay vigilant.
Or you might just get lucky with the newborn like my friend who's daughter never cried for anything and was the most calm and constantly cute and easiest to care for thing ever.
We were way too tired to play games (my wife is also a gamer), so we spent it catching up on Netflix or just napped. As the kid liked to sleep on me during the day (beer belly FTW) we spent those hours watching stuff (ofc with headphones and kid never saw the screen), and me shitposting here on these forums lol. You could ofc use these short breaks to play something, preferably something your partner can relax to as well. Single player games in which you can save/stop playing whenever necessary is the way to go. SC is not something you can do and really enjoy. It takes 10 minutes just to get into your ship so if you want to have some fun, it's out. Find something else. But whatever it is, just make sure it doesn't stress you out in any way, especially that you Will have to abandon it at random points.
Next phase ,about 2-3 months in maybe or more?, is when I could get back to some more gaming as the kid started to sleep longer cycles during the night (we got lucky with that), but your mileage will vary. This period will last longer but should get less time consuming and allow for some games to be played for longer. Still single.player though, cos shit will hit the fan randomly. Be prepared for that in your mind, do not take anything for granted, for example that you can do X for Y length of time just because yesterday you could. Also, as always, keep tabs on what needs doing around the house, what was you forgot to do yesterday and use the extra time to help out.
So no real long immersive games. I spent this phase playing mostly Brutal Doom (cos it loads in 5 seconds flat even on my old laptop), getting gud at my fps skills, played games that would be fine running on their own for hours (farming SIM, city builders, tycoon games), and also some mobile games.
We are 2 years in, and for almost a year now I can game properly in the nights when mom and kid are asleep. I still can't get into fast paced multiplayer games really, cos I'm still on watch during the night. ( I also work a lot during the night cos my work allows me to, and catch up on administrative tasks like paying bills n stuff)
Kid doesn't always sleep well so I have to go in and sooth/offer drink/change diaper randomly. But it's much more settled now. I wouldn't go on a 2 hour 40man raid in WoW unless I have the wife awake as backup in case of some emergency, but I had no issues putting a 100+ hours into Cyberpunk since its launch.
Also, note that this is the point where being proactive and helpful in the early days starts to pay off, as your partner will be much more inclined to allow for game time (at least in my experience).
Also also, if you have family members or even very close friends whom you trust, get them involved as early as possible. They will allow for you to catch up on a lot things, just by going out to play with kid for an hour or two sometimes and such.
After that, I can only speak from what I saw my dad do, as a gamer himself. As having PC games was really new back then (30-ish years ago), I watched him find his way around Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Monkey Island and a bunch other point n click games , called out radar contacts in F19/Falcon 3/LHX, get scared shitless while he kept getting eaten by the zombie in Alone in the Dark, identified enemy spaceships just by their 4-6 pixels while still far away in Wing Commander and Privateer, watched him sink pirates in High Sea's Trader... That's where I started picking up my English from as well as I asked him to translate whatever was going on. So yeah, you will have the chance later to involve the kid in you gaming, just make sure to keep it to games that are supposedly acceptable for their age. This is up for you to decide.
So to summarize the long spoiler section above: yes it will be a rollercoaster at first, but in my view looking back at it as a gamer, the main objective is to achieve an equilibrium in which you can have 1-2h+/day for your own hobby (gaming) by 1.5-2 years in, without that causing any arguments or other ill effects.
But this will depend on a lot of things (for example I'm fine with 6 hours sleep, you might not be), so your mileage will vary.
- Don't PANIC! Stay focused!
- Kid is first. Always. Time goes really really fast, and if you are playing away with yourself instead of being with the kid, you will regret it later, but then it will be too late, and this will spiral...
- Help out, don't just sit around waiting for things to happen. Be proactive!
- task management and communication is key. Teamwork is essential to having more freetime!
- Do not confuse the above with the kid being a task! The kid isn't! Everything else around the kid is. Don't forget that, and remind your partner if necessary as well.
- Do Not Panic! Stay calm collected and organized in your duties by taking One step at a time! Yes I know I said this already, but it will keep you sane and healthy way more than anything else.
- you will get some of your playtime back, don't stress about it
- stick to single player/turn based/runs fine if left alone; type of games (tycoons, builders, farming sim, and such are a good bet)
- apply fun gaming to your days via the best computer ever, your brain! : you will be playing a hybrid RPG class. Mostly Support at first, sometimes Tank taking all the flak and protecting your party members from overly zealous grandparents, sometimes Healer for your other party members with reassuring messages, sometimes DPS-ing down all those nasty chalk stains off the walls! So basically a Paladin class should work fine for this. Collect 5 dirty diapers will be like a daily Quest! Your legendary reward will be a slight half hearted impossibly tired smile from your partner, and it will feel great! lol
Some last advice that I found to work for us:
Do not stress out on every little detail. No One ever gets everything right. Yes, that means that the perfect mommies and daddies on Facebook and Instagramm, even the ones you might know personally, are just fakes and are lying. Ignore that crap! If they do pull off everything as perfectly as their pages suggest, they would have no actual real in-depth time left for the kid, which makes them waaay worse parents then the "imperfect" ones reading their page...
So I strongly suggest dropping all social media, and for the love of god, do not let you or your partner get carried away by some mommy-daddy advice webpage. Do your own thing that works for you and the kid, not someone else's made-up bullshit. Use the internet as a resource only when absolutely necessary, and try to keep it to factual matters. This will spare you from a lot of needless worries and mistakes. Spend that time on the kid instead of on the internet.
And don't allow yourselves to worry for too long about things, instead, ask family and friends, and don't be afraid to harass your doctor with any questions and doubts you might have, no matter how silly you might think it is.
Note.: everything will depend on the kid as well. Some are way more work than others, it's just how it is. So your mileage will vary!
secret dirty immoral don't do this you are a monster top tip: when after 20 minutes of non-sleep you have a crippling headache at 4 am for the 37th time in a row while trying to change a diaper and trying to stay calm and happy but the kid is screaming at you with the volume set to 11 and the room echoes and you feel like the walls are vibrating like in an earthquake and your partner is moaning at you to just end it all and the goddamn diaper won't close up cos its suddenly turned inside out and you feel the warmth of fresh fluid on your hands... there is an easy solution. Earplugs. The cheapest squishy ones or foam types, don't matter. Even some cotton will do. Use em*. You will thank me.
(*but do take them out once the screaming stops, for obvious safety reasons)
Well... I figure this: over the time, you get far more (satisfaction/value/etc) out of the kids than what you put in. A financial planner would say that now is the time to invest. In many things (gaming included), you just don't get that kind of deal.
Sure you can game but if you get antsy throwing down the controller at some point that you couldn't possibly have expected, don't start the game. I stopped League of Legends and switched to PvP/crafting only on WoW and started reviewing game sites such as gog.com, steam, epic games, etc for good single player games at a discount.
I also highly suggest having a good mobile device with access to an eBook reader that can be used on multiple platforms (perhaps Kindle or the amazon reader? I regret getting all of my books on the Apple Books app) as well as mobile games you may enjoy. Probably invest in a good, comfy chair you can spend an hour or two sitting in because after you get the tyke to bed, woe to you if you step on a creaky floorboard.
