TWRL - TEST Weapons Research Lab

[NaffNaffBobFace]

Good people of TWRL, the Star Marine FPS mechanic is on the way Soon(tm) so we need some viable, useful first person TEST brand weaponry.

I was recently reminded of the Toilet Paper Gun, a device which was basically a leaf-blower with a paint-roller with a couple of bog-rolls on it.

As many ships come with lavatories, the TP gun makes logical sense - Boarding a Polaris and run out of ammo? Nip to the toilet and you are ready to roll once gain.

Now although this is probably one of (if not the) most potent of prank weapons in the known universe, it will not work in the cold vacuum of space.

So two questions:

1) What to coat/replace the TP with to truly weaponise it?

2) How can we make the launch device work without an atmosphere?

My thinking is to have a small hand-heled tarctorbeam on the end of a pole, with a spool of razor wire/barbed wire on the other end of the pole with a small laser cutter half way along so we can cut off a shot immediately so as not to waste ammunition. The wire would wrap round the target and puncture their space suit when they move, causing slow asphyxiation in space or slow steady health loss due to lacerations in atmosphere.

If keeping the toilet paper, it could be coated in acid to eat through armoured suits and flesh which are already part of the PU. The toilet paper best used for this would be that awful waxed stuff you only seem to be able to find at Motorway Service Stations as i am pretty sure its acid proof - it sure as hell seems to be impervious to any other liquid known to man.

 

[Pander]

I Take it we have talked about the most destructive ship in the game
(i have not read all the comments)

THE RECLAIMER

Imagine if you will the reclaimer its arm outstretched holding a starfarer filled with Fuel missles and as many bits of crap we can put in it

Full steam ahead as we cut through the javelin and make the biggest explosion out there

The potential for throwing asteroids alone is immense

We could have the reclaimer pushing a giant asteroid towards and attached to them parastie fighters that detach last minute engines all switched off and silent

The enemy thinks ahhh send out ships to take out that reclaimer
as a swarm of merlins appear from behind it it say on no you dont

z snaps fingers

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

I Take it we have talked about the most destructive ship in the game
(i have not read all the comments)

THE RECLAIMER

Imagine if you will the reclaimer its arm outstretched holding a starfarer filled with Fuel missles and as many bits of crap we can put in it

Full steam ahead as we cut through the javelin and make the biggest explosion out there

The potential for throwing asteroids alone is immense

We could have the reclaimer pushing a giant asteroid towards and attached to them parastie fighters that detach last minute engines all switched off and silent

The enemy thinks ahhh send out ships to take out that reclaimer
as a swarm of merlins appear from behind it it say on no you dont

z snaps fingers

Ahhh, interesting thinking there...

As well as holding mass in front of it to shield she ship while moving up to its target and then using that mass to damage the target, given that the Reclaimer is made to pull ships apart, no one said the ships had to be scrap before they are taken to pieces...

A Bengal is big - very big, but take down the turrets on one side, even for short while with EMP, and it would be easy enough for a squad of TEST Reclaimers to dive in and start digging the warships guts out while its heart still beats... any capital ship with a blind spot in its turret cover like some are supposed to have, and its escort being distracted by test fighter craft, could be disabled very quickly... Mmmm, messy.

 

[Lexicon]

Ladies and Gentlemen of TWRL, i put forward a defence system for our Rock Raiders brothers and sisters which is practical and recycles the useless rock they do not want to use:

Imagine a lone Prospector out in some backwater asteroid belt scratching a 'roid when they come across the mother-load, a seam of riches unlike has been seen before. The ship hunkers down to work, but now it is vulnerable. Can't run, can't hide, a sitting duck. Disaster! Half way through a pair of pirate Gladius and a Cutlass appear to relieve you of your hard won resources... What do you do?

As an interesting corollary, what if a larger operation is attacked and sacked? The wingmen have been killed or shooed off, the Prospectors have been scuttled or mugged, and the last bastion - the operation's crippled Orion - has been surrounded. What's the captain to do?

Why, power up his SHOT-GUN system, of course!

As you can see from the Orion diagram above, the ore-storage nacelles are all stored radially - presumably for easy detachment. The SHOT-GUN system consists of two key components: first are a series of Surreptitiously Hidden Ordinance Tags, or SHOT, which can be detonated to launch the GUN - Gathering and Unladen Nacelles. If sufficient ordinance tags can be placed, the nacelles - whether unladen or involved in gathering ores - can be accelerated to a significant speed, potentially dealing significant damage to any cluster of ships in close proximity... like, say, pirates intent on boarding actions.

As an additional utility, if boarding cannot be prevented, simply open the full nacelles inwards and detonate SHOT charges placed inside the nacelles - the resulting Super-Luminally Unleashed Gatherings (or SLUG for short) will ricochet throughout the largely-hollow interior of the Orion, handily dispatching any boarders unlucky enough to have made it inside.

Thoughts on the SHOT-GUN and SLUG systems?

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

As an interesting corollary, what if a larger operation is attacked and sacked? The wingmen have been killed or shooed off, the Prospectors have been scuttled or mugged, and the last bastion - the operation's crippled Orion - has been surrounded. What's the captain to do?

Why, power up his SHOT-GUN system, of course!

As you can see from the Orion diagram above, the ore-storage nacelles are all stored radially - presumably for easy detachment. The SHOT-GUN system consists of two key components: first are a series of Surreptitiously Hidden Ordinance Tags, or SHOT, which can be detonated to launch the GUN - Gathering and Unladen Nacelles. If sufficient ordinance tags can be placed, the nacelles - whether unladen or involved in gathering ores - can be accelerated to a significant speed, potentially dealing significant damage to any cluster of ships in close proximity... like, say, pirates intent on boarding actions.

As an additional utility, if boarding cannot be prevented, simply open the full nacelles inwards and detonate SHOT charges placed inside the nacelles - the resulting Super-Luminally Unleashed Gatherings (or SLUG for short) will ricochet throughout the largely-hollow interior of the Orion, handily dispatching any boarders unlucky enough to have made it inside.

Thoughts on the SHOT-GUN and SLUG systems?

A well rounded system, they would not try it twice with that in place. A kill or cure solution, perhaps?

 

[Dranoc]

ITT Weaponized autism

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

ITT Weaponized autism

Excellent, this could be an extension to the E-War programme, B-War or "Brain-War": but could we risk unintentionally making our adversaries super attentive and efficient? Would it not be safer to weaponise that feeling you get when you walk in to a room but can't remember what you went in for? Or the frustration feeling when you are about to sneeze, but then don't?

I may have to leave the B-War department in your hands, Dranoc... What do you think we should do?

 

[GrammarGestapo]

 

[maynard]

this is the kind of theorycrafting that can only be found in TEST

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

this is the kind of theorycrafting that can only be found in TEST

Its a 'verse of possibilities.

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

Good day good people of the TWRL.

We have a new staff member in the lab who began their time with TWRL as an experiment in how to weaponise Marmite and Vegimite with a hybrid of the two which unexpectedly took on sentient thought.

Vegimarm has a Fourth Grade reading level, likes watching TV and commenting on YouTube videos but has a rather slow typing speed so please be patient if they are on reception when you come in.

Just a few notes:

Vegimarm is currently deciding which gender it wants to be referred to however does like the term 'Marm which I suppose is close to Ma'am so we'll see how it goes.

If you see any oily gelatinous blobs around please say hello before trying to clean them up as it may be a member of staff. Vegimarm otherwise tidies up after themselves and does not appear to require sleep so should be on hand to help with any queries more often than not.

Oh, also, don't let Vegimarm hug you, they have a wonderful singing voice and radiate an inviting warmth however they are lethal on skin contact so please don't be tempted to pat Vegimarm and please don't let them sit on your toast as is its hobby at the moment, the residue is not at all pleasant as apparently it tastes like a mix between Marmite and Vegimite.

Please make Vegimarm feel welcome everyone, they have not been conscious for very long but are eager to learn.

 

[Aramil]

I feel that we need some system to catalog and track these awesome ideas, so I propose:

M.E.L.O.N.S

Multi-user
Environmental
Logistic
Opperating &
Network
Systems.

With MELONS we can take R&D to the next level....

 

[maynard]

I vote for renaming to:
TEST Weapons Exprerimental Research Project, aka T.W.E.R.P.

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

I feel that we need some system to catalog and track these awesome ideas, so I propose:

M.E.L.O.N.S

Multi-user
Environmental
Logistic
Opperating &
Network
Systems.

With MELONS we can take R&D to the next level....

Aha, we will need a backup system for data security too so a pair of MELONS will keep the TESTIES of TWRL organised and their eyes on the prize! Consult the MELONS!

I vote for renaming to:
TEST Weapons Expreimental Research Project, aka T.W.E.R.P.

No need to rename, every project we do shall be a glorious T.W.E.R.P.

Mmm, check the MELONS for a T.W.E.R.P... Sounds odd but i can't quite place it. Someone raise a new T.W.E.R.P to get to the bottom of this!

 

[DarthMatter]

*looks around for gloves to put on so that I can pet Vegimarm*

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

*looks around for gloves to put on so that I can pet Vegimarm*

There are some rubber gloves near the sink.

Mmm, thinking of rubber gloves gives me an idea for a new T.W.E.R.P...

Check this out:

It is clear there is a hell of a lot of energy in an airbag to make it deploy before someone’s face hits it but TWRL is all about hitting faces so how can we take advantage of this in a novelty manner?

By making them close-proximity anti-personnel mines with a range of funny novelty inflatables in them, of course.

I see it going a little bit like this but more violent:

What do we think?

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

Ladies and gentelmen of TWRL lend me your opinion so we can make the 'verse a safer place I have an idea here for an anti-balistic weapon system:

Take two identical ships, lets say f7c hornets, and fly them at each other head on.

One is kitted out with Badgers, the other has Sawbucks.

Their fields of fire will overlap if centred on each ship, so:

Assuming the overlapping fields of fire meet and each round has a decent chance of interacting with each other, would the energy rounds from the Badgers evaporate the ballistic rounds coming from the Sawbucks before they reached the other ship?

Energy rounds can melt armour in nanno-seconds without an energy shield, but ammo doesn't get shielding. Considering we are 1000 years in the future and have advanced computing and fast-fire energy canon like the bulldog (wont need a panther to take out a tiny round) would it be possible to have an anti ballistic cannon or beam cannon which while not very effective against ships would neutralise their incoming ballistic rounds?

Please share your thoughts for this TWRL brand innovation.

 

[DarthMatter]

Ladies and gentelmen of TWRL lend me your opinion so we can make the 'verse a safer place I have an idea here for an anti-balistic weapon system:

Take two identical ships, lets say f7c hornets, and fly them at each other head on.

One is kitted out with Badgers, the other has Sawbucks.

Their fields of fire will overlap if centred on each ship, so:

Assuming the overlapping fields of fire meet and each round has a decent chance of interacting with each other, would the energy rounds from the Badgers evaporate the ballistic rounds coming from the Sawbucks before they reached the other ship?

Energy rounds can melt armour in nanno-seconds without an energy shield, but ammo doesn't get shielding. Considering we are 1000 years in the future and have advanced computing and fast-fire energy canon like the bulldog (wont need a panther to take out a tiny round) would it be possible to have an anti ballistic cannon or beam cannon which while not very effective against ships would neutralise their incoming ballistic rounds?

Please share your thoughts for this TWRL brand innovation.

I'm almost sure D. Va already trademarked this tech back during the reforming of Overwatch...

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

Excellent, if the development work has already been done we can licence it, make it 128bit over the standard 32bit and slap a TWRL logo on it.

 

[NaffNaffBobFace]

Excellent, if the development work has already been done we can licence it, make it 128bit over the standard 32bit and slap a TWRL logo on it.

Further to this, we can make it available in 7 fun colours, allow you to set your own start-up music and alert tones and even personalise them (polyphonic tones, i'm thinking MP3's for the top of the range model), and allow users to have their personal image as a wallpaper on the interface screen.