Depression and gaming

188Octane

Sabre Addict
Jun 2, 2016
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188Octane
@Murderer I have a motivation issue that may stem from depression where I desire to play the games I love, but just can't be helped to put in the effort to play them. Some are easier than others, but mostly I just end up in a cycle of YouTube videos because I can't be helped to actually play. OverWatch has fixed this for me recently as has 2.4; OW and SC, I can load up almost any time and go. It tends to come in waves for me. If you wanna game, hit me up here or in Discord anytime friend!

@Blind Owl Your son looks like a happy and healthy TESTie in the making. Cheers!
 

Blind Owl

Hallucinogenic Owl
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Nov 27, 2015
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Hey guys, I completely understand where you guys are coming from. I've been there. Both my boys were in the NICU, one for 2 months, and the other for 6 months. But back on topic, @GameFleek has a great stream that I try to join him on as regularly as possible. Through Discord, we have great comms, and can usually get into a fair amount of trouble. I don't know if his streaming schedule will work for you, but we(well at least I would) would love to have some more TESTies join us in our antics across the 'Verse.

I am usually on Discord, at least my phone is, even when I'm at work. If you want some more info just hit me or GameFleek up.
Sounds like a riot. I'm definitely game.
but i do smoke lethal amounts of pot so that helps (its legal here)
It's almost legal here too. That'll certainly be a boon to many.
@Blind Owl Your son looks like a happy and healthy TESTie in the making. Cheers!
Thanks brother. Can't wait until he's running a turret for me. Haha.
 

Grimbli

Space Marshal
Jan 27, 2016
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Grimbli
For me, it's fairly fresh. The circumstances surrounding my son's birth 10 months ago, and the subsequent fight for his life, left me reeling. Being helpless to help him as he lay in that hospital bassinet, all those IVs and nodes and sensors and catheter attached to him, both pre- and post open heart surgery: it was terrifying.
I don't have kids, nor do I care for them, but he looks to be doing so much better. And has a kickers dad, so I'm sure he'll grow up to be awesome! I imagine that was quite scary.

All the replies while I was typing out my wall of text. :)

This is precisely what I do too Grimbli. So freaking weird.

I'm glad that there's a few of us on the same page, dealing with the same sort of issues.
I'm weird, you're weird, we can all be weird together. We're the Org of misfit toys!

But our little man is home, he's safe, and he's growing like the little wolf that he is. It's amazing watching him grow and learn and discover. It's the greatest feeling in the world.
I'm glad everything worked out!

At this point, it feels like I prefer the *IDEA* of playing a game far more than actually playing. I've bought plenty of new games and only played for a night or two (looking at you, Witcher 1, 2, and 3....). I'm not going to make any promises that I'll have time to play much of anything right now, but I would love to some time :)
I end up watching YouTube videos of people playing games a lot. I just don't have the motivation.

I think you're me. Right down to the same games named - Witcher games. Haha.
I've stopped buying new ones, as I just keep banking them. I have so many stellar games I've never even played. It's ridiculous.
That's pretty heart-wrenching, and I don't have a heart, so that says something!

Thanks. He's the happiest baby alive now. Happiest baby I know, anyways.

Edit: @Murderer. Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread brother.
We're all sharing, I'm sure it's cool.

We are all with you.
Are, brothers.

I don't know if his streaming schedule will work for you, but we(well at least I would) would love to have some more TESTies join us in our antics across the 'Verse.
My schedule sucks, but I need to get some Testies on my Starfarer!

as a tranny, depression is life. but i do smoke lethal amounts of pot so that helps (its legal here)
I thought that word was a no no? Anyways, I've heard how depression can strike Trans, I'm glad you're doing ok. We're here for you!

Thanks everyone for your support!!!
Of course!
 

Grimbli

Space Marshal
Jan 27, 2016
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Grimbli
My story doesn't really seem that bad, but it took me to a bad place. I was married and we had set our whole life's plans together. She ended up turning into someone else and met someone else. It was difficult to see your entire life turn upside down and know you'll never get the life you wanted.

So many times I thought about driving my big rig off a mountain. Knew the exact spots on my route that would look like I just had a momentary lapse and "accidently" veer off the edge.

The only thing that kept me alive was a promise to myself when I was young that I'd never take my own life. I consider it a cowards way out and there's so many things you can do instead.

But I've met the love of my life now and know she'll never betray me. I'm in a much happier place now, but I still get bummed every once in a while.
 

Blind Owl

Hallucinogenic Owl
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Nov 27, 2015
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I don't have kids, nor do I care for them, but he looks to be doing so much better. And has a kickers dad, so I'm sure he'll grow up to be awesome!
Thanks brother. I really appreciate that. :) We like to think he'll be pretty darn awesome.
I'm weird, you're weird, we can all be weird together. We're the Org of misfit toys!
Hahaha, indeed we are. The misfitiest. Because I make up words.
I'm glad everything worked out!
So are we my friend. So are we.
That's pretty heart-wrenching, and I don't have a heart, so that says something!
Ha. You pretend you don't have a heart. But you're the classic story of the villain who tries to hide he has a heart.
My schedule sucks, but I need to get some Testies on my Starfarer!
I'm crawl around in your dirty ship anytime.
Anyways, I've heard how depression can strike Trans, I'm glad you're doing ok. We're here for you!
Amen to that!
My story doesn't really seem that bad, but it took me to a bad place.
It doesn't matter how it seems to others. What's matters is how it affected you. And if it affected you negatively, then it's bad.
I was married and we had set our whole life's plans together. She ended up turning into someone else and met someone else. It was difficult to see your entire life turn upside down and know you'll never get the life you wanted.
I feel your pain brother. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
So many times I thought about driving my big rig off a mountain. Knew the exact spots on my route that would look like I just had a momentary lapse and "accidently" veer off the edge.
We, as a whole, are glad you didn't.
The only thing that kept me alive was a promise to myself when I was young that I'd never take my own life
To thine own self be true.
I'm happy you stuck too your guns.
But I've met the love of my life now and know she'll never betray me. I'm in a much happier place now, but I still get bummed every once in a while.
And the happy ending. :) I love a happy ending.

Even in happiness, brother, we all have dark moments/days/weeks. Our strength lies in our ability to come through. To turn to those who can help. To admit when we need help. To rely on those we love, our friends, or on the mechanisms we have in place.

To each and every one of you on here today, thank you for sharing. There is strength in unity.
 

Varku

Space Marshal
Apr 21, 2016
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Varku
i too suffer from a form of depression.
and i used to cure it with never ending gaming sessions.
But lately i learned, more about my depression, and how to live with it.

For those of you, who don't know, what a depression is like, you can imagine it this way:
Imagine a blak dog, barking at you all the time, pulling you away from friends and towards bad habbits.
You can't make this dog go away, but you can make him a friend. (This picture is stolen from the great book "I had a black dog")

Nowdays, i have some daily rotines, like for example a meditation, to keep me healthy.
For everyone around here, speaking german, there is this app "7 mind" i can highly recomend this one for guided meditations.
 

Grimbli

Space Marshal
Jan 27, 2016
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Grimbli
And the happy ending. :) I love a happy ending.

Even in happiness, brother, we all have dark moments/days/weeks. Our strength lies in our ability to come through. To turn to those who can help. To admit when we need help. To rely on those we love, our friends, or on the mechanisms we have in place.

To each and every one of you on here today, thank you for sharing. There is strength in unity.
This is exactly what everyone needs to hear and know. It's difficult to live with, but at least we're alive!

For those of you, who don't know, what a depression is like, you can imagine it this way:
Imagine a black dog, barking at you all the time, pulling you away from friends and towards bad habits.
You can't make this dog go away, but you can make him a friend.
Very good description. I like Hyperbole and a Half's description as well.

Sad.png

Sad2.png

Sad3.png
 

Blind Owl

Hallucinogenic Owl
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Nov 27, 2015
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This is exactly what everyone needs to hear and know. It's difficult to live with, but at least we're alive!
That we are. Alive, and so much more.
Very good description. I like Hyperbole and a Half's description as well.
My wife used this one to describe depression to me.
2013-05-20-Nest.png
 

Grimbli

Space Marshal
Jan 27, 2016
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Grimbli
I just played around in SC with Metal-Muffin, Daethwing, and GriffinGaming. Was pretty fun even though we were all over the place and not really doing anything. We need more SC shenanigans!
 

188Octane

Sabre Addict
Jun 2, 2016
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188Octane
My story doesn't really seem that bad, but it took me to a bad place. I was married and we had set our whole life's plans together. She ended up turning into someone else and met someone else. It was difficult to see your entire life turn upside down and know you'll never get the life you wanted.

So many times I thought about driving my big rig off a mountain. Knew the exact spots on my route that would look like I just had a momentary lapse and "accidently" veer off the edge.

The only thing that kept me alive was a promise to myself when I was young that I'd never take my own life. I consider it a cowards way out and there's so many things you can do instead.

But I've met the love of my life now and know she'll never betray me. I'm in a much happier place now, but I still get bummed every once in a while.
Well said man. Stay strong and remember, when in doubt, TEST.

I just played around in SC with Metal-Muffin, Daethwing, and GriffinGaming. Was pretty fun even though we were all over the place and not really doing anything. We need more SC shenanigans!
You did, it was, we were, we should! (that order)
 

Phil

Space Marshal
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Nov 22, 2015
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Bacraut
For me it has come down to communities, guilds and friends in games, I have been online gaming since I was 16 I am now 41, my best memories are from Dark Age of Camelot, it was a small MMORPG base on realm vs realm vs realm play, to this day I have yet to come across a community as vibrant and fun as well as having a great system that brought the base together to serve a purpose that benefited the realm and thus every player in that realm.

And I have been in WoW since the beta and up until WOTLK for me the communities there were also decent, every single game and I know I have not played them all but for me every game when it comes down to communities it has been a disaster, WoW by far one of the worst communities ever outside of your guild.

Anyways for me its usually not the game, the lore or the mechanics that sends me packing its the friends I miss playing with, its the communities or lack thereof that send me from game to game to game, I really hope Star Citizen can bring some of that back and I think it has a huge potential with the size of the org's the lore and general co-op style of gameplay that will bring back and hopefully generate the best memories of gaming for me. And lets face it for many of us online gaming can be a large part of our social life, back in the day this was a stigma, I still get weird reactions from non gamer's about how I met my wife playing world of warcraft, she is Canadian and I live just outside Chicago, IL but to us gamer's especially in 2016 this is not a shocker, I know many people who have met their girlfriends and wives online and we have been together since 2008.

So to the guys who are just as frustrated as I am I thought maybe this might be a big part of the reason you feel as stressed as I do and can't find that gaming groove again, I have played countless games which I thought were great but without that community or group of friends that keeps you logging back in the games just feel dead and I know I for one can be very anti-social when it comes to gaming, my gaming time is not what it was 10 or 15 years ago and the thought of spending hours trying to group up often ends up being my own downfall due to me being a bit insecure with strangers but I also know I have to make a better effort to make friends and relationships so I can have those memories and make new ones and enjoy gaming the way I did 10 or 15 years ago.

See you in the verse!!
 

Jolly_Green_Giant

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Jun 25, 2016
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Jolly_Green_Giant
Before joining the USAF, I was an EMT in central florida for just under 5 years, mainly working in a local Emergency room. I too was sucked in by everquest when I began playing it in 1999 (I was only 13) and played it well into everquest 2. Since joining the military things happened, insomnia lead me to see behavioral psychologists, which lead to mental health counselors, which lead to prescribing psychologists. I used to be able to look people in the eye no problem, throw myself into any situation no matter how horrifying it would be, but as soon as the need for me to do such things subsided it's like my mind started reviewing my past and playing catch up. Playing video games was a good enjoyable escape back in the day, but trying it when all this started to unfold gave me the same results. I'd open a game. stare at it, click around for a bit and then get off. Pace around my room not knowing what i wanted to do and eventually going to bed. I replaced the pacing with pre-workout bodyweight workouts and dumbell workouts in the comfort of my own room. That accompanied with loud music focused my scattered thoughts. Instead of thinking about everything else I was thinking about simply working out. I cant stress enough how much it's helped me out. Still there would be times I would fall into a slump where I couldn't be bothered to eat, shower, wash clothes, etc... i still went to work, i could carry on like normal, but when i got home i just shut off. I asked my psychologist why this was, and was told it's something called "burnout syndrome". You can't be bothered to even make the smallest decisions, which brings this full circle to video games. For me, that loss of interest was really just being asked to make a decision in the video game. When we watch something on youtube or twitch, we aren't making the decisions, the streamers and youtubers are. I don't know if has anything to do with the structure of the military or not, but the combination of PTSD and a lack of structure outside of military life, or anyones normally structured life pretty much creates an environment where were left thinking way more than we should be acting. Solution? No clue. Still working on it. I hope this helps someone.
 

mromutt

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Oct 14, 2014
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mromutt
I'm definitely in a similar boat. I don't believe I suffer from any form of PTSD, but I've fought depression for years (and thankfully have control of it most of the time, but it's always there).

At this point, it feels like I prefer the *IDEA* of playing a game far more than actually playing. I've bought plenty of new games and only played for a night or two (looking at you, Witcher 1, 2, and 3....). I'm not going to make any promises that I'll have time to play much of anything right now, but I would love to some time :)
I do the same thing or sometimes I just stare at my game list and can't pick something and get a depressed feeling and give up looking. And yeah I don't talk about it much but I also have a form of ptsd (to do with doctors and hospitals), I never liked talking about it because people would make comments like you can only get it from being in combat or the like dismissing it making you feel bad for saying anything about it. Till one day in a help group (mostly military people) one of the guys not sure what he did when serving but was pretty old said something to me about saying it didn't matter how it happened because its just as real and just as painful and possibly even harder to cope with if it has to do with an everyday part of life that you can not get aways from. That honestly made it easier to ignore those that did not understand :)
 

witchkittie

Commander
May 30, 2016
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witchkittie
This post totally hits home for me.

I love gaming, especially fully immersive games with a great, complicated story.

Unfortunately I have revolving bouts of depression (it just keeps coming back for me) that make me not even want to touch a game for even months at a time. I can try to play games in this period, but I usually lose interest within a few minutes.

When I started playing Star Citizen back at the end of April, I actually showed some interest in a game for the first time in a long time (even more surprising because it doesn't fit my typical archetype of game style). I actually wanted to play this game more and more. Then when I started streaming the game I got more and more swept away by it, and the great community of people who also play the game.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you (whether I've played the game with you or not) to all the amazing people who I have met or encountered through the game. <3
 

mromutt

Duck Army
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Oct 14, 2014
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mromutt
That we are. Alive, and so much more.

My wife used this one to describe depression to me.View attachment 2709
thats me right there, I even say "I dont know" constantly when not doing so well. on a side note that little dude in the blue shirt makes me feel sad, not like personal sad but sad for him >.> i think i identify with him
 

witchkittie

Commander
May 30, 2016
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witchkittie
thats me right there, I even say "I dont know" constantly when not doing so well. on a side note that little dude in the blue shirt makes me feel sad, not like personal sad but sad for him >.> i think i identify with him
nods

Man, the "I don't know" response for everything is so accurate. I don't know what is wrong with me! Stop asking!
 
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