Depression and gaming

[Jolly_Green_Giant]

I do the same thing or sometimes I just stare at my game list and can't pick something and get a depressed feeling and give up looking. And yeah I don't talk about it much but I also have a form of ptsd (to do with doctors and hospitals), I never liked talking about it because people would make comments like you can only get it from being in combat or the like dismissing it making you feel bad for saying anything about it. Till one day in a help group (mostly military people) one of the guys not sure what he did when serving but was pretty old said something to me about saying it didn't matter how it happened because its just as real and just as painful and possibly even harder to cope with if it has to do with an everyday part of life that you can not get aways from. That honestly made it easier to ignore those that did not understand :)

I'm so glad someone was able to make you feel comfortable about this. I bring up being an EMT, being in the military, and honestly that isn't even "the cause" for me. No matter what it is, what form of mental health issue anyone has, it's still sucks and it takes support instead of criticism to overcome. Being able to comfortably talk about anything on your mind is in itself one of the most theraputic things you can do. Kind strangers turn into kind friends. It's awesome.

 

[mromutt]

Before joining the USAF, I was an EMT in central florida for just under 5 years, mainly working in a local Emergency room. I too was sucked in by everquest when I began playing it in 1999 (I was only 13) and played it well into everquest 2. Since joining the military things happened, insomnia lead me to see behavioral psychologists, which lead to mental health counselors, which lead to prescribing psychologists. I used to be able to look people in the eye no problem, throw myself into any situation no matter how horrifying it would be, but as soon as the need for me to do such things subsided it's like my mind started reviewing my past and playing catch up. Playing video games was a good enjoyable escape back in the day, but trying it when all this started to unfold gave me the same results. I'd open a game. stare at it, click around for a bit and then get off. Pace around my room not knowing what i wanted to do and eventually going to bed. I replaced the pacing with pre-workout bodyweight workouts and dumbell workouts in the comfort of my own room. That accompanied with loud music focused my scattered thoughts. Instead of thinking about everything else I was thinking about simply working out. I cant stress enough how much it's helped me out. Still there would be times I would fall into a slump where I couldn't be bothered to eat, shower, wash clothes, etc... i still went to work, i could carry on like normal, but when i got home i just shut off. I asked my psychologist why this was, and was told it's something called "burnout syndrome". You can't be bothered to even make the smallest decisions, which brings this full circle to video games. For me, that loss of interest was really just being asked to make a decision in the video game. When we watch something on youtube or twitch, we aren't making the decisions, the streamers and youtubers are. I don't know if has anything to do with the structure of the military or not, but the combination of PTSD and a lack of structure outside of military life, or anyones normally structured life pretty much creates an environment where were left thinking way more than we should be acting. Solution? No clue. Still working on it. I hope this helps someone.

Oh man I know exactly what you are saying, I go through those symptoms as well with the exception of my slumps happen often enough I cant hold a job and was put on disability when I tried to get help with medical so I could see a doctor when needed. It really hits home just how out of control it gets when you try to get that government mental health service and they turn around and flat out tell you you need much more than that :/

 

[mromutt]

nods

Man, the "I don't know" response for everything is so accurate. I don't know what is wrong with me! Stop asking!

yeah and then when you get frustrated it turns into "I don't care" till you want to just yell

 

[mromutt]

I'm so glad someone was able to make you feel comfortable about this. I bring up being an EMT, being in the military, and honestly that isn't even "the cause" for me. No matter what it is, what form of mental health issue anyone has, it's still sucks and it takes support instead of criticism to overcome. Being able to comfortably talk about anything on your mind is in itself one of the most theraputic things you can do. Kind strangers turn into kind friends. It's awesome.

Yeah it really helps being able to even acknowledge that you have something going I have lived with depression since well before I can remember and sadly only got worse later in life when I was 13 doctors "tried" to help actually made things far worse, enter ptsd :/

 

[188Octane]

I may be alone here, but I actually have found solace living in apathy... partially because it means when I give a shit, I REALLY GIVE A SHIT. It also makes dealing with stress easier because no outcome really phases me too much. :3

Take victories where you can get 'em right?

 

[shadowjim12]

This is why I love this org so much... It's not just about the game, it's about the people. It requires courage to recognise and accept the obstacles in your life, let alone share them or confront them. Once again you made me proud guys. It's acts like that, supporting eachother, that keeps my faith in humanity and this world. So, let me share my story.

Thankfully, I learned to deal with problems early on. Both my parents were blind (retinoblastoma). I was the lucky one; doctors saved my left eye, but I still had to deal with problems and responsibilities early on. From confronting bullies, to help both my parent with everyday tasks. Those were the good times. Then, just as I entered University, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She fought with it for 2 years but it wasn't enought. I'm facing depression ever since. That feeling of powerlessness and emptyness to help those close to you is something one can't just forget, ever. But you learn to live with it.

That loss among other factors (Greek dept crisis, unemployment, etc) had a serious impact on my academic career. Thus, here I am, still trying to catch on with Life.

That being said, I wouldn't be the person I am without experiencing all this stuff. How can one have empathy and understanding of another's problems if one had life go easy on him?

Life is not easy. We all have our crosses to bear.
But we have one another. Thank you for that :)

 

[Jolly_Green_Giant]

This is why I love this org so much... It's not just about the game, it's about the people. It requires courage to recognise and accept the obstacles in your life, let alone share them or confront them. Once again you made me proud guys. It's acts like that, supporting eachother, that keeps my faith in humanity and this world. So, let me share my story.

Thankfully, I learned to deal with problems early on. Both my parents were blind (retinoblastoma). I was the lucky one; doctors saved my left eye, but I still had to deal with problems and responsibilities early on. From confronting bullies, to help both my parent with everyday tasks. Those were the good times. Then, just as I entered University, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She fought with it for 2 years but it wasn't enought. I'm facing depression ever since. That feeling of powerlessness and emptyness to help those close to you is something one can't just forget, ever. But you learn to live with it.

That loss among other factors (Greek dept crisis, unemployment, etc) had a serious impact on my academic career. Thus, here I am, still trying to catch on with Life.

That being said, I wouldn't be the person I am without experiencing all this stuff. How can one have empathy and understanding of another's problems if one had life go easy on him?

Life is not easy. We all have our crosses to bear.
But we have one another. Thank you for that :)

People are awesome. Thank you for sharing, I can't really describe it, but it says so much about a person that's willing to put so much on the table and skip break that social barrier of niceties and what not. All of you. Hell yeah :)

 

[Grimbli]

the thought of spending hours trying to group up often ends up being my own downfall due to me being a bit insecure with strangers but I also know I have to make a better effort to make friends and relationships so I can have those memories and make new ones and enjoy gaming the way I did 10 or 15 years ago.

You can join up with me whenever! I certainly have the ships...

Before joining the USAF, I was an EMT in central florida for just under 5 years, mainly working in a local Emergency room. I too was sucked in by everquest when I began playing it in 1999 (I was only 13) and played it well into everquest 2. Since joining the military things happened, insomnia lead me to see behavioral psychologists, which lead to mental health counselors, which lead to prescribing psychologists. I used to be able to look people in the eye no problem, throw myself into any situation no matter how horrifying it would be, but as soon as the need for me to do such things subsided it's like my mind started reviewing my past and playing catch up. Playing video games was a good enjoyable escape back in the day, but trying it when all this started to unfold gave me the same results. I'd open a game. stare at it, click around for a bit and then get off. Pace around my room not knowing what i wanted to do and eventually going to bed. I replaced the pacing with pre-workout bodyweight workouts and dumbell workouts in the comfort of my own room. That accompanied with loud music focused my scattered thoughts. Instead of thinking about everything else I was thinking about simply working out. I cant stress enough how much it's helped me out. Still there would be times I would fall into a slump where I couldn't be bothered to eat, shower, wash clothes, etc... i still went to work, i could carry on like normal, but when i got home i just shut off. I asked my psychologist why this was, and was told it's something called "burnout syndrome". You can't be bothered to even make the smallest decisions, which brings this full circle to video games. For me, that loss of interest was really just being asked to make a decision in the video game. When we watch something on youtube or twitch, we aren't making the decisions, the streamers and youtubers are. I don't know if has anything to do with the structure of the military or not, but the combination of PTSD and a lack of structure outside of military life, or anyones normally structured life pretty much creates an environment where were left thinking way more than we should be acting. Solution? No clue. Still working on it. I hope this helps someone.

I did the workout thing for a while too, unfortunately I stopped and got fat again.

nods

Man, the "I don't know" response for everything is so accurate. I don't know what is wrong with me! Stop asking!

This was a problem with my ex wife, she would constantly pester me even though she said she suffered from the same thing and would get livid when I asked her what was wrong. It probably led to more depression for me.

yeah and then when you get frustrated it turns into "I don't care" till you want to just yell

I actually used to get very angry because I didn't know what was wrong with me.

I may be alone here, but I actually have found solace living in apathy...

This is a dangerous thing for me. I became apathetic to the point of not feeling much of anything. I still have trouble with emotions and feel I went borderline sociopath.

Then, just as I entered University, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She fought with it for 2 years but it wasn't enought.

This is one of the hardest things to witness and something most people didn't understand when I was a kid. Cancer is common now, far too common, but at least it's not always a death sentence now. Watching someone you love and look up to slowly waste away and die is something no one should deal with.

 

[mromutt]

yeah and then when you get frustrated it turns into "I don't care" till you want to just yell

and i did this just like an hour ago >.<

 

[Riekopo]

Gaming has definitely helped me cope with depression and anxiety.

 

[mromutt]

Gaming has definitely helped me cope with depression and anxiety.

what kind of games you like?

 

[SPRNinja]

Right, hmm ok.

Ive suffered from depression and anxiety my entire adult life. I struggle with motivation, sleeping habits and especially with anxiety. Gaming is weird for me, sometimes I bury myself in games and find it difficult to do anything else. Other times I find absolutely no enjoyment in games and start avoiding them. This is why despite being in TEST for nearly 2 years i havent been on the forums the whole time, even though i love you guys.

Its good to see people talking about the issues.

As to PTSD, I've served nearly 8 years in the New Zealand Army. Some very good friends of mine suffer from severe PTSD, its horrific to watch and its very dear to my heart. #22aday

I will say one thing, the overall best thing I have done for my depression is excersize. The last 6 motnhs ive been on a massive diet and excersize buzz and I promise it really helps. There is an inverse correlation between excersize and depression from a statistically significajnt sample. i.e run my friends! run!

Ive lost 10 kilo (22 pounds) in 6 months, and my RHR has come down 8bpm :)

 

[DcTrojan72]

Ive just recently got over a rut where didnt feel like gaming or being active on the forums also. Now to figure out a game to play.. kinda been looking at wurm unlimited and testing the waters with that

 

[orac_zen]

I open up test this morning thinking I'm going to find some funny game posts and I find my self in this thread reading. I was amazed to hear that many of my fellow gamers suffer from issues similar to those I do. I do not share or talk about my problems very often. I just want the people that shared with us to know you are not alone and I am glade to hear there are others like me in this org!

 

[Malvariuz]

I am not sure if anyone else deals with this. But I thought I would lay it all out there to see if there were others like me or others who wanted to support a cause for those like us that may have troubles with gaming due to anxiety.

I know it sounds crazy, because it really is, but some of us who at one time in our lives gaming was a sincere passion but have hard times returning to it, rather it be from wartime PTSD or life PTSD; I believe both exist.

Personally there were days where I coudn't be pulled away from playing a game and loved every minute of it, though as of recently, I have found myself challenged to escape playing a game myself to enjoy someone else playing it elsewhere via youtube or twitch. Games for me have always been a social endeavor as multiplayer used to only involve people in your home. I will admit I was pulled in by the UO and EQ phenomenon but since then, unfortunately, my love for games hasn't declined, just my will to play.

My submission is to find more like minded individuals that somewhat cower away from engaging games these days and reseek former glory as a united front.

PTU hit nicely lately, and i would like to extend to those willing, let's explore the current build get some great keymapping and voyage together from there.

Help an old man

This is so interesting, I never thought of it this way, but I used to love video gaming and could easily come home and do it every night for a few hours - but after a divorce, in which I felt my video gaming might have contributed too, I really haven't been able to play a videogame for more then a few hours a week at max. I would sit here, staring at the screen unable to even start a game.
When one day I actually got drunk enough and played a videogame, I was so happy I almost celebrated it, having bragged about it to my GF and friends. It felt like an accomplishment, and now every so often I can play, but not very often no where near like I used to. I can't sit down in front of the PC to play, anything else will distract me from doing it.

It's been like this now for 6 years. I have a list of videogames I have not beaten, like Skyrim - that I just can not play long enough. I think that game is considered old even. I waited 18 hours in line to get it early when it came out.

 

[rogesh]

Its the same with me I sit hours over hours in front of the pc wanting to play often I even know what game I want to play..... Just sitting there.... Normaly I switch to YouTube after half an hour.
I thought I had won over my depression but aparently it came back.... At least I have no suicide thoughts like I had back then
I don't want this again... I need to go to the psychiatric.

 

[mromutt]

Its the same with me I sit hours over hours in front of the pc wanting to play often I even know what game I want to play..... Just sitting there.... Normaly I switch to YouTube after half an hour.
I thought I had won over my depression but aparently it came back.... At least I have no suicide thoughts like I had back then
I don't want this again... I need to go to the psychiatric.

Yeah I hate that when I really want to play but just stare at it, it makes me feel bad inside when I finally dont play. As far as depression coming back I learned many years ago I have the kind that never really goes away and that its just less noticeable at times or you get used to that level of it. But what I learned was its better to try things that cope with it instead of trying to beat it. Trying to beat it (cure it) will just make you more depressed and is self defeating, but coping can help you feel less helpless when its bad or even lead to crushing it sometimes after doing it many times. That said I know its not the same to everyone or even a lifelong problem for everyone but I think that might be helpful to those that get overwhelmed or gets that helpless feeling. :) Another thing I do is I just literally laugh at everything, the worse I feel the more I laugh. Its just reflex now but it softens the feelings.

 

[Stormrage]

Sorry to dig up this old thread but ... I'm also suffering from depression and i wanted to give my personal experience with it.
I'm suffering from "dark ideas" since the age of 13 , it's only been 2-3 years i'm trying to cure it through lots of differents ways
Medication , hospitalization ... I've gone through a lot to feel better , even just a bit , to fight against anxiety , social fear and suicidal thoughts. I even used to work out months ago but now i don't have the same courage i had back then , and i got fat which makes the whole thing more difficult.
Now i'm trying all sorts of medecine to get myself of this situation. My state has evolved quite a lot but , i have too much of high standards for myself. Long time ago , i used to overdose myself just to feel better , even if it means putting my life at risk.

When it's not anxiety , fear or thoughts that occupy my mind , it's emptiness. When you have things you must do , but in your head you can't find anything that distract you to have better thoughts and feeling less burden on your back , you wander. Times passes , slowly.
The only moment i can feel really good is when i'm asleep. Nothing to think of , just let your mind flow through whatever it can think of ...

Games used to distract me and i played them new game plus for hours and hours.
I say "used" because it's not the case anymore. Beating them one time is enough and i don't have the will to do all over again. When i play with others , sometimes i'm not doing it for me but for them. I only have this emotion of boredom and getting it done quickly.
I found star citizen to be a lot of promises and since i'm only at the tip of the iceberg , i don't feel this for the moment. In fact , having a game that is in development can maybe keep me up and focused.
In short , like a dream that doesn't end right away.

I have joined this community recently and i was scared that i'd be the only one having thoughts such as those. When Mromutt gave me the link to this thread after we talked , i felt relieved. That i'm not alone feeling like this in this huge community.

I wanted to share with you my feelings , thank you even for just reading it. I want to be in this community for a long time , because i think i can find my place here. Playing nicely with a crew on a ship is something i would love to experience

 

[AstroSam]

Yeah I hate that when I really want to play but just stare at it, it makes me feel bad inside when I finally dont play.

Hooouh - and I thought its a specialty of mine...!? Thats interesting. Have to read through this thread, I guess.
What is this all about, to *want* to play, but then sitting before the monitor, feeling *really* tired and in some way "paralyzed", for then perhaps after hours finally going offline and/or to bed, with a real bad feeling about myself, wasted time etc....?
Have to dive into this for understanding the mechanism behind...

 

[AstroSam]

Okay, haha, I just saw by my "liked posts" that I've already read through the thread.
Have to do it again - obviously, because I've forgotten whats written in here.
Is this inability to play games some kind of depression or how can one explain this strange behaviour (at least looking to myself, its strange)?
[edit]...and to add this detail: to *know* of this mechanism, but nevertheless to be unable to shut down the PC and whatever-go-to-bed-or-watch-a-movie...