Depression and gaming

GeneticPredator

Admiral
Jan 13, 2016
674
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710
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GeneticPredator
It seems many of us have had it rough through our lifes...

Sadly I'm no exception...

Here's a short cut of things i have experienced.

When i was 2.5-3 years old i lost my Dad (1980). I don't know to much about him, i only have a few pictures of him...

I got bullied at many occasions through my younger years...

At the age of 17 (1995) i lost my Mother due to cerebral haemorrhage (hope thats the right word for it)
I managed to finish school but my grades were far from the best... I lost the will to do anything...
I had many rough years after that...

The best time of my life was when my son was born 2010.

I was working in our neighbor country Norway at the time. And after many years of hard work and a bad relationship at home i "hit the wall"

I was diagnosed in October 2014 with beening "burned out" (I still am to this day).
And as a cherry on top of that my son's mother thought it was a good idea to cheat on me on Christmas day the same year.

I'll put an end there... There's more but i don't feel like sharing it...

I've had my share of depression throug my life... It's been rough.
But im glad i have managed to make a few right choices in life...

When it comes to gaming i recognise many of the things the OP (Murderer) has written.

Staring at the games and no one seems fun anymore happens now and then...

I agree with CosmicTrader "We are all with you."

Well that's about it i think...
 

Blind Owl

Hallucinogenic Owl
Nov 27, 2015
17,202
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BlindOwl
@Blind Owl It really breaks my heart to see your son in the first picture!
I'm not sure how i would have reacted...

I'm so happy that he is doing well now and is growing and getting strong (like his daddy =)

Stay strong! Life is fragile.
Thank you my friend. It was the hardest time of my life. That and the months that followed. He's quite amazing now though. 2 years old and talking and climbing and jumping and running and just crazy about hockey and sports! It's amazing really. Our Little Wolf.
It seems many of us have had it rough through our lifes...

Sadly I'm no exception...

Here's a short cut of things i have experienced.

When i was 2.5-3 years old i lost my Dad (1980). I don't know to much about him, i only have a few pictures of him...

I got bullied at many occasions through my younger years...

At the age of 17 (1995) i lost my Mother due to cerebral haemorrhage (hope thats the right word for it)
I managed to finish school but my grades were far from the best... I lost the will to do anything...
I had many rough years after that...

The best time of my life was when my son was born 2010.

I was working in our neighbor country Norway at the time. And after many years of hard work and a bad relationship at home i "hit the wall"

I was diagnosed in October 2014 with beening "burned out" (I still am to this day).
And as a cherry on top of that my son's mother thought it was a good idea to cheat on me on Christmas day the same year.

I'll put an end there... There's more but i don't feel like sharing it...

I've had my share of depression throug my life... It's been rough.
But im glad i have managed to make a few right choices in life...

When it comes to gaming i recognise many of the things the OP (Murderer) has written.

Staring at the games and no one seems fun anymore happens now and then...

I agree with CosmicTrader "We are all with you."

Well that's about it i think...
That is quite a series of tragic events my friend. Let me know if you ever want to talk.
We are all with you.
 

GeneticPredator

Admiral
Jan 13, 2016
674
1,926
710
RSI Handle
GeneticPredator
Thank you my friend. It was the hardest time of my life. That and the months that followed. He's quite amazing now though. 2 years old and talking and climbing and jumping and running and just crazy about hockey and sports! It's amazing really. Our Little Wolf.
I can't even imagine how that feels :fearful:

So glad he is doing fine now!

Let me know if you ever want to talk.
We are all with you.
Thank you my friend!
 

Blind Owl

Hallucinogenic Owl
Nov 27, 2015
17,202
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BlindOwl
I can't even imagine how that feels :fearful:

So glad he is doing fine now!
As are we. He's an amazing little man. Our Little Wolf. He's pretty damn advanced too. << I'm not the least bit biased either, haha.
Thank you my friend!
Anytime. I know how important it was for me to have someone to talk to, someone who just listened. So I shall always make myself available to anyone who needs it.
 

Jolly_Green_Giant

Admiral
Donor
Jun 25, 2016
540
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850
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Jolly_Green_Giant
When I first joined TEST, this one if not the first places I posted. Since then I have had one hell of a ride in and transitioning out of the military. I've been home for about 7 months almost now, and I assumed things would get better for me. They didn't. I left the military with a 90% disability rating, 50% of that being for mental health alone. As far as the VA is concerned, in order to meet that criteria, your ability to function in society is limited to picking up trash and simple tasks. I wasn't discharged for mental health issues mind you, I was discharged due to Scoliosis and being unable to deploy. I was however damn good at my job and received the highest marks on my performance reports and wing level awards, just to give you a bit more detailed perspective. I was a highly functioning, competent individual. I won't get into the details, but over the last year I have had so much brain fog, an inability to focus (which I wasn't even aware of) and many other symptoms so to say. My last Appointment I had a mental breakdown. I was tired of trying my hardest every day just to function and had no logical explanation for it other than it must just be me and my weak mind. I'm not trying hard enough, I'm failing myself, why is life literally so hard???

I found out I have ADHD. The inattentive type. I thought about it as a possibility maybe once or twice in my lifetime, but that was it. When I think ADHD, I think hyper 7 year olds who are worse than a ferret on meth. I have yet to have my full eval yet and work on treatment, but as soon as my VA psychologist explained what was happening in my head, I suddenly had clarity for a literal lifetime of hardship. I've cried. I've stared into a mirror. I've yelled, and then cried some more. Sometimes its anger, sometimes its frustration, and others it's joy. It's highly genetic. My family, now all of a sudden makes sense to me. My mother who has been a drug addict all of her life, makes sense to me. It's so mind boggling and overwhelming but in such a good way. I assumed I had a rock solid mind and had my finger on everything. I was wrong.

I hope this helps all who reads it. It's definitely life changing for me. There's a light for everyone.
 

Jolly_Green_Giant

Admiral
Donor
Jun 25, 2016
540
2,033
850
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Jolly_Green_Giant
Ah man. Ya just had to go and post those pictures. The second and third did it for me. What a great pair of support people you've got there.
Understatement of the universe. This group of individuals is the next best thing to family. Not only does it help me to share my lifes intimacies with this fine group, I know for a fact someone will come across this someday and not feel alone. I'm not perfect, I've even said some shitty things about shiner. Why? I didn't understand. I still don't, but the farther down my own rabbit hole I go, the last thing I would ever want to hear is something that made me feel alone and broken. People who have been through the worst are usually the nicest, because they would never wish their struggle on anyone else. TEST is awesome. Get engaged and learn to trust your fellow human being. I know I couldn't be happier about overcoming my online anxiety and just getting to know people. Love you all. Thank you for everything. I have an Appt on the 31st for a comprehensive eval, and an MRI on the 8th for my neck. I want to keep moving forward and actually have great jobs lined up, but I need to stop kidding myself and realize what a hole I'm in. I spent my career sucking it up and its taken a toll on me. I'll recover, and the only way I've been able to continue to do so is to be honest and open. Cheers.
 

Blind Owl

Hallucinogenic Owl
Nov 27, 2015
17,202
58,719
1,660
RSI Handle
BlindOwl
When I first joined TEST, this one if not the first places I posted. Since then I have had one hell of a ride in and transitioning out of the military. I've been home for about 7 months almost now, and I assumed things would get better for me. They didn't. I left the military with a 90% disability rating, 50% of that being for mental health alone. As far as the VA is concerned, in order to meet that criteria, your ability to function in society is limited to picking up trash and simple tasks. I wasn't discharged for mental health issues mind you, I was discharged due to Scoliosis and being unable to deploy. I was however damn good at my job and received the highest marks on my performance reports and wing level awards, just to give you a bit more detailed perspective. I was a highly functioning, competent individual. I won't get into the details, but over the last year I have had so much brain fog, an inability to focus (which I wasn't even aware of) and many other symptoms so to say. My last Appointment I had a mental breakdown. I was tired of trying my hardest every day just to function and had no logical explanation for it other than it must just be me and my weak mind. I'm not trying hard enough, I'm failing myself, why is life literally so hard???

I found out I have ADHD. The inattentive type. I thought about it as a possibility maybe once or twice in my lifetime, but that was it. When I think ADHD, I think hyper 7 year olds who are worse than a ferret on meth. I have yet to have my full eval yet and work on treatment, but as soon as my VA psychologist explained what was happening in my head, I suddenly had clarity for a literal lifetime of hardship. I've cried. I've stared into a mirror. I've yelled, and then cried some more. Sometimes its anger, sometimes its frustration, and others it's joy. It's highly genetic. My family, now all of a sudden makes sense to me. My mother who has been a drug addict all of her life, makes sense to me. It's so mind boggling and overwhelming but in such a good way. I assumed I had a rock solid mind and had my finger on everything. I was wrong.

I hope this helps all who reads it. It's definitely life changing for me. There's a light for everyone.
Man, that's terrifying and amazing all at once. It's freaking awesome how just knowing what the issue is can be so relieving. I'm glad you're on the road to recovery. Thank you for sharing.
Ah man. Ya just had to go and post those pictures. The second and third did it for me. What a great pair of support people you've got there.
Haha yeah, they're the best. You should see the little fella now. 2.5 years old and climbing the world, haha. Talking like crazy. It's so much fun.
These two are my reason for existing.
IMG_20180126_160120.jpg
IMG_20180106_121019.jpg
Resized_20180113_164859.jpeg Resized_20180117_111637.jpeg
 

Jolly_Green_Giant

Admiral
Donor
Jun 25, 2016
540
2,033
850
RSI Handle
Jolly_Green_Giant
[UPDATE]

Here's a summary. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder. Smoking pot (legal FL card holder) then coming off of it amplified it. I was misdiagnosed previously because BPT2 apparently is hard to catch. It at first presents itself as my previous diagnosis which was major depressive disorder. ADHD and BPT2 present themselves almost identically, however age of onset and progression are two factors among others which separate the two apart. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder and I don't know much more than that. Maybe it's because my parents were substance abusers or maybe its genetic. Either way, I have hope moving forward and I can't tell you how surreal this whole experience is. As I grow as a person, I am able to empathize so much more with those who are struggling in life through no fault of their own. I still have my MRI coming up and maybe that will help with my back issues more, so yeah. I posted a link to the wiki on it below. Cheers best squadron. PM anytime you'd like. o7

[Wiki LInk for Bipolar Type 2]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_II_disorder
 

Blind Owl

Hallucinogenic Owl
Nov 27, 2015
17,202
58,719
1,660
RSI Handle
BlindOwl
[UPDATE]

Here's a summary. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder. Smoking pot (legal FL card holder) then coming off of it amplified it. I was misdiagnosed previously because BPT2 apparently is hard to catch. It at first presents itself as my previous diagnosis which was major depressive disorder. ADHD and BPT2 present themselves almost identically, however age of onset and progression are two factors among others which separate the two apart. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder and I don't know much more than that. Maybe it's because my parents were substance abusers or maybe its genetic. Either way, I have hope moving forward and I can't tell you how surreal this whole experience is. As I grow as a person, I am able to empathize so much more with those who are struggling in life through no fault of their own. I still have my MRI coming up and maybe that will help with my back issues more, so yeah. I posted a link to the wiki on it below. Cheers best squadron. PM anytime you'd like. o7

[Wiki LInk for Bipolar Type 2]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_II_disorder
Wow! I happy that you've received a diagnosis. That's awesome. I bet that is some weight off of your shoulders.
 

EpilepticCricket

Grand Admiral
Donor
Oct 20, 2014
1,403
4,904
1,160
RSI Handle
EpilepticCricket
[UPDATE]

Here's a summary. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder. Smoking pot (legal FL card holder) then coming off of it amplified it. I was misdiagnosed previously because BPT2 apparently is hard to catch. It at first presents itself as my previous diagnosis which was major depressive disorder. ADHD and BPT2 present themselves almost identically, however age of onset and progression are two factors among others which separate the two apart. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder and I don't know much more than that. Maybe it's because my parents were substance abusers or maybe its genetic. Either way, I have hope moving forward and I can't tell you how surreal this whole experience is. As I grow as a person, I am able to empathize so much more with those who are struggling in life through no fault of their own. I still have my MRI coming up and maybe that will help with my back issues more, so yeah. I posted a link to the wiki on it below. Cheers best squadron. PM anytime you'd like. o7

[Wiki LInk for Bipolar Type 2]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_II_disorder
Wow! I happy that you've received a diagnosis. That's awesome. I bet that is some weight off of your shoulders.
No doubt! One of the hardest things is getting a correct diagnosis so a treatment plan can be developed.

Thank you for the update @Jolly_Green_Giant! It's always good to hear good news :slight_smile:
 

Jolly_Green_Giant

Admiral
Donor
Jun 25, 2016
540
2,033
850
RSI Handle
Jolly_Green_Giant
[UPDATE]

I hate to keep bringing this thread to the front page, I mean this is a gaming forum. However I told you I'd keep you updated and just found out something new. I got my MRI results back and the nurse just kinda read the report to me. I have yet to consult with a neurosurgeon, but the MRI shows Cervical Spinal Stenosis (narrowing of the canal for your brain stem / spinal cord). I'm in the middle of switching psych meds due to my recent mental health diagnosis as well, so this is all just laughable to me at this point. I'm in a positive mood about it because seriously, I finally have answers. All I can do is push forward.

I recently had a talk with some fellow TESTies about pursuing a job, but I think I'm going to put it on hold. It sucks, because the Director of Launch Operations for SpaceX was the guy asking for the resume. I also have an invite only, clearance required event in my area for a major Defense contractor. I'll still make that but I think any job prospects for me will be put on hold. I've turned down a position at NASA JPL as a technician and a job in the Bahamas as well. My mind is telling me to get out in the world and do amazing things but my body and the world is reminding me I can't. My health is too important. So I'm home, all day every day because I have a hard time wanting to get out of the house, even though I do sometimes. I'm also helping out my 83 year old aunt so it's definitely not all a bad situation. She can pretty much take care of herself, I just worry about her falling and forgetting things. Everyone else works or I don't feel like burdening them with a long conversation about what I'm going through, so thank you for listening.
 
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