Just found this 5 year old thread, but nice comforting to know there are others here dealing with the same stuff. Some days gaming helps, some days it brings back too many memories. Hurts most when family/friends, who want to help, inadvertently 'condemn' you for your SI - aka "Oh, you shouldn't think stuff like that!". Yea, no shit - but I do. The solution for me is to not ignore it anymore, nor let their discomfort with the topic prevent me from being honest. I don't blab about it, what I went through or am currently going through, but when I do feel the need to talk about feeling down or indifferent, I talk about it. Family/friends love and are rightly scared; I just try to let mine know when I do talk about it, that I need to get my feelings out; all they have to do is care enough to listen - not fix, not make it better, not cheer me up - just listen. I don't think people understand how much it means to those with depression when someone is accepting enough to just be there with them during the low times.
Peace and love to all my TEST brothers and sisters! May your angles give you peace, may your demon give you strength! Semper Fidelis!