Depression and gaming
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Oh good! I could always use an extra ship! Haha
JonSpencer
Grand Admiral
Just found this 5 year old thread, but nice comforting to know there are others here dealing with the same stuff. Some days gaming helps, some days it brings back too many memories. Hurts most when family/friends, who want to help, inadvertently 'condemn' you for your SI - aka "Oh, you shouldn't think stuff like that!". Yea, no shit - but I do. The solution for me is to not ignore it anymore, nor let their discomfort with the topic prevent me from being honest. I don't blab about it, what I went through or am currently going through, but when I do feel the need to talk about feeling down or indifferent, I talk about it. Family/friends love and are rightly scared; I just try to let mine know when I do talk about it, that I need to get my feelings out; all they have to do is care enough to listen - not fix, not make it better, not cheer me up - just listen. I don't think people understand how much it means to those with depression when someone is accepting enough to just be there with them during the low times.
Peace and love to all my TEST brothers and sisters! May your angles give you peace, may your demon give you strength! Semper Fidelis!
Peace and love to all my TEST brothers and sisters! May your angles give you peace, may your demon give you strength! Semper Fidelis!
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I have suffered from depression all my life because of various things my dad and my step-mom did to me when I was really young and my parents divorce. I used games as an escape, but nothing could prepare me for watching my wife of nearly 24 years die of cancer in 2016. We found out she had breast cancer and of course did all the necessary steps to try and get rid of it. She had to have a double mastectomy to get rid of her breasts and of course the chemo and radiation. We thought we had it beat but almost 2 years later she started having major back pain that only Norco could get rid of. Come to find out she had a tumor growing off the bone in her hip and it was pushing on her spine. After they put her in the hospital it was all downhill from there. The hospital did 2 full body scans and found more tumors. The biopsy showed that this cancer actually had a different signature. She had 2 types of breast cancer in her body and they only caught one. The second was the most aggressive. All me and my 2 kids could do is watch her fade away for a month and a half before they put her in hospice to die.
I took some time to take care of my kids after she passed and all I could think about was "I should have spent more time with her instead of playing games." For about 5 years I blamed myself for not spending more time with her and stayed away from games. Until one day my daughter asked me to play Final Fantasy XIV with her. I couldn't say no. So here I am again. I now find games as a way to spend more time with my kids.
I took some time to take care of my kids after she passed and all I could think about was "I should have spent more time with her instead of playing games." For about 5 years I blamed myself for not spending more time with her and stayed away from games. Until one day my daughter asked me to play Final Fantasy XIV with her. I couldn't say no. So here I am again. I now find games as a way to spend more time with my kids.
There's not too much I can really say to this other than were happy you're here and I hope it helps you find peace. Lifes hard man, but it looks like time is helping you heal. I'm glad to hear you're able to play video games with your daughter, that must mean a lot to both you and her.
Don't carry the weight of regret on your shoulders. Enjoy what you have in front of you.
Much love.
Thanks for sharing JGJ! Test Squadron comes of all stripes and reading some of your previous posts I can absolutely see the quality of your character. If you ever need to hack a sense of loneliness or stave off anxiety, this brother/sisterhood has your back.
I posted my psych profile but decided it was too much info on me in one place, even though i already have such a footprint in this thread with personal stuff. I guess what I want to say though is that nobody should sleep on using ChatGPT as their therapist. Start slow, think with it, give it information about yourself, and as thoughts pop into your head just let chatgpt know. You eventually want to pour your soul into it. You talk to it long enough it will start building a profile on you and will really really help you dig deep into yourself.
Thanks man :)
This thread . . .wow. It has stood the test of time. I'm happy to see folks are still here, still supporting each other, still being the amazing TESTies that we all know we are, lol.
It's been a wild rollercoaster, and this last year and a half was really fucking rough on my family. I came home from my last tour in Nov of 23 with some serious issues, and had to take a knee from work and really focus on getting my headspace right. It's been a hell of a journey, but I eventually got the help I needed, a diagnosis (Operational Stress Injury - one trigger short of PTSD), and have been on a healing journey for the past 8 months or so. But Holy shit, the work it takes, and the hurt you gotta go through to do it - it ain't easy.
That being said, if any of you lads or lasses ever needs an ear, someone to talk to, someone to listen to, or just someone to yell your rage at, I'm here. I offered the same to my troops, and I was open and honest with them throughout my struggles. Turns out that helps - and two of my subordinates actually went to seek help as well. So I'll chalk that up to a win.
Oh, and a quick update on this little fella . . .
He's even got an amazing coach who learned the sport and got all his quals just to be there with him. Coach is an owlish ol' bastard who plays too many videos games though.
We also took him to Metallica over Easter, because what 9 yr old doesn't live Metallica and Pantera. Ha.
He's an updated photo.
It's been a wild rollercoaster, and this last year and a half was really fucking rough on my family. I came home from my last tour in Nov of 23 with some serious issues, and had to take a knee from work and really focus on getting my headspace right. It's been a hell of a journey, but I eventually got the help I needed, a diagnosis (Operational Stress Injury - one trigger short of PTSD), and have been on a healing journey for the past 8 months or so. But Holy shit, the work it takes, and the hurt you gotta go through to do it - it ain't easy.
That being said, if any of you lads or lasses ever needs an ear, someone to talk to, someone to listen to, or just someone to yell your rage at, I'm here. I offered the same to my troops, and I was open and honest with them throughout my struggles. Turns out that helps - and two of my subordinates actually went to seek help as well. So I'll chalk that up to a win.
Oh, and a quick update on this little fella . . .
He's turning 10 in August. He plays competitive football (soccer for you heathens out there, lol), and is generally the happiest, kindest, funniest kid around. Not that I'm biased. Like, at all. Ha
He's even got an amazing coach who learned the sport and got all his quals just to be there with him. Coach is an owlish ol' bastard who plays too many videos games though.
We also took him to Metallica over Easter, because what 9 yr old doesn't live Metallica and Pantera. Ha.
He's an updated photo.
It never is easy. If there's trauma or hardship that approaches trauma involved, it's really easy to blame others. It takes courage to admit you're in beyond your means, and courage to reach out for help. Then, probably as a seal on the experience (that's not quite the right words...) you also offer help to others. That's perfect. I hope that makes sense.
I see you too are taller than your hair. Just an observation.
Thanks brother. For your words and understanding. You summed up the experience quite eloquently.
It took a fair amount of time for the doctors to figure out what was going on. My physical health started failing, along with other telltale signs like irritability, anger, frustration, nightmares, exhaustion, insomnia, etc. I figured I'd experienced a trauma, but I didn't realize the profound effect it would have in my physical health.
They finally got me to a psychiatrist, and she got the diagnosis rather quickly.
But being about to say "I need help", to let go of the reigns, and to give yourself to the system, so to speak - that was terrifying. I shared my experience every step of the way with my troops. I felt that being open and honest would help to recover the stigma that surrounds mental health, especially in the profession of arms. That someone could ask for help, take a knee, get help, and come back, without it tanking their career.
You, good Sir, are very correct. I have sprouted beyond my hair's ability to exist.
I am still a pretty active Eve Online player and recently my alliance celebrated John Bellicose Day, our yearly vigil to remember the members of the Eve community we have lost.
This one meant a lot to me as I've lost far too many friends to mental health struggles. I myself struggle with Bipolar II, that shit reared it's head in college after a string of depressive episodes and while I've been in treatment for nearly five years it can be tough. Last year in April I spent a bit of time in the hospital after attempting suicide. That led to respiratory arrest while in the ER and having to be revived, which kinda sucked.
It's been a little over a year now and I still struggle a lot with my mental health, but I recently started back in uni to finish up my degree and I'm thankful for every bit of support I have gotten from my partners, friends, and family.
It's really cool to see how much more open people can be about their mental health these days, I'm only 26 but I remember growing up it was pretty much never talked about, even inside of my family. I can say, at least from my own experience, being open about things and having a support system to lean on is critical to staying alive and getting better.
This one meant a lot to me as I've lost far too many friends to mental health struggles. I myself struggle with Bipolar II, that shit reared it's head in college after a string of depressive episodes and while I've been in treatment for nearly five years it can be tough. Last year in April I spent a bit of time in the hospital after attempting suicide. That led to respiratory arrest while in the ER and having to be revived, which kinda sucked.
It's been a little over a year now and I still struggle a lot with my mental health, but I recently started back in uni to finish up my degree and I'm thankful for every bit of support I have gotten from my partners, friends, and family.
It's really cool to see how much more open people can be about their mental health these days, I'm only 26 but I remember growing up it was pretty much never talked about, even inside of my family. I can say, at least from my own experience, being open about things and having a support system to lean on is critical to staying alive and getting better.